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San Francisco Giants Link Dump, 6/19

Brothers, oh brothers, my days here are done, the Dumpishman's taken my links

Apologies for the large picture of Bartolo Colon's face
Apologies for the large picture of Bartolo Colon's face
Jeff Curry

Congratulations to Clayton Kershaw, who last night threw a no-hitter that would have been a perfect game if his shortstop had been slightly more competent. Clayton, I always knew that if you really applied yourself, someday you could be as good as Jonathan Sanchez.

June 18, 2014, will always be remembered as the day Bartolo Colon hit a double
Opponents of the DH argue that nobody likes to watch pitchers hit. But what they fail to take into account is that pitchers hitting is the greatest thing in the world. Take Bartolo here. Bartolo doesn't care about hitting. Not at all. And he definitely doesn't care about running. Why, you can practically sense how flummoxed he is at having to do even the tiniest amount of jogging. And so watching him hit and run successfully, while openly acknowledging that he has no business doing so, is the greatest thing in the world.


The Lineup Card: Seven Small-World Baseball Stories
Do you want Johnnie LeMaster anecdotes? Of course you want Johnnie LeMaster anecdotes. You're not some kind of monster. Or if you are some kind of monster, at least you're not THAT kind of monster.


The Evolution of the Cuban Baseball Pipeline
We'll see if Daniel Carbonell is in these articles in a few years, but it's not a stretch to say he certainly will be. I can't think of one single reason that the prospect the Giants just signed this week won't be a superstar. After all, if there's one thing this organization can do, it's develop toolsy outfielders. Can't wait to see Wendell Fairley in the majors!


The Diamondbacks’ Grit vs. Win Expectancy
A couple nights ago, the Diamondbacks threw at Ryan Braun in order to make a point about the Brewers employing pitchers whose control is bad, and ended up losing the game for it. It was delightful. Well, maybe not to Ryan Braun, but for the rest of us who think that Towers and Gibson's headhunting fetish should backfire in every conceivable way, the ensuing grand slam was a total Valyrian-is-my-mother-tongue moment. Way to go to the desert and burn some jackass, Lucroy. Well done.


How the Washington football team losing its name destroyed America
Yesterday, the US Patent and Trademark Office canceled the trademark that Washington's football team had for its nickname. Jon Bois wrote a series of one-act plays about this, and my main takeaway from them is that Jon Bois is really really funny and it's unfair. Why are you hogging all the funniness, Jon? Think of the melancholy children in Africa who dream of being mirthful, if only for one day.


The FBI maintains an 83-page glossary of Internet slang. And it is hilariously, frighteningly out of touch