Matt Cain to disabled list, Jake Dunning up from Fresno

For just the second time in his career, Matt Cain has been placed on the disabled list. The good news is that the problem isn't serious, as Cain cut his finger making a sandwich before his last start. The bad news is that Matt Cain is on the disabled list after cutting his finger.

Jake Dunning is replacing Cain on the active roster, giving the Giants another bullpen arm with Yusmeiro Petit likely moving to the rotation. The 25-year-old Dunning had 11 strikeouts and seven walks in 14⅓ innings in Fresno, with a 2.51 ERA. He appeared in 29 games for the Giants last year, with a 16/11 strikeout-to-walk ratio and 2.84 in 25⅓ innings.

Matt Cain is supposed to score runs for himself, not score himself, dammit. Now we get to speculate on how you cut your right index finger making a sandwich. Like, you put down the turkey and the cheese, you squeeze the mustard, and you throw the mayonnaise away because it's scummy egg paste, then you put the other piece of bread on top, and then you cut the sandwich without your hand under it. It's not difficult.

And do grown men really need to cut their sandwiches? Everything about this stinks. Maybe he was cutting the crusts off a PB&J, though that seems more like a Brandon Belt thing for some reason.

Unless he was trying to open a package. That's the only scenario in which he shouldn't be completely embarrassed. Difficult packages are sleeper cells in the war against our freedoms.

Considering that Cain didn't immediately go on the DL, he shouldn't be out for longer than the 15 days. Prayers for Matt Cain. Prayers and butter knives.