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San Francisco Giants Link Dump, 5/28

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Back in my day, you couldn't just move the link dump all around the house

He's so bad the Mets have decided to SIGN HIM! RIMSHOT SOUND EFFECT HERE.
He's so bad the Mets have decided to SIGN HIM! RIMSHOT SOUND EFFECT HERE.
Jim McIsaac

Before the Giants play this afternoon, why don't you click on some links? Links keep your computer fresh, you know.

50 Cent's physics-defying first pitch could be the worst of all-time
Hey, don't let this get you down, 50. If Conor Gillaspie can learn to throw a baseball, I'm sure you can too!

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Ex-Pitcher Says MLB Ruined His South Beach Sports Clinic During Biogenesis Investigation
Since it's always fun to chronicle the various shady goings-on that MLB engaged in while trying to get Ryan Braun and A-Rod suspended for steroids, here is yet one more story about it. According to the subject of the story, who admittedly does have his biases, when MLB's investigators went after Biogenesis, they also destroyed his business, because they did all the legitimate things Biogenesis claimed to do without selling steroids. He must feel pretty stupid. Since his livelihood got destroyed anyway, he might as well have gotten some sweet roid cash out of it.

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What do you say to a player on a hot streak? "Great job!"
Dick Hayhurst discusses the psychology of slumps and hot streaks, and the mentality of not only the players who are going through one, but their teammates who are trying to say the right thing in dealing with them. If it was me, when a teammate was in a slump, I'd probably get really in-depth about mechanics to cover up the fact that I know nothing about mechanics. "Uh, yeah, Pablo, you want to really rotate your shoulders 4 degrees if you want to be good. No, that's 3.8...nope, 4.1...and then...wait, you have TWO elbows? This changes everything!"

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Baby Baby Giraffe
Haylee Belt is pregnant, and Belt is back on the Brandons Blog! As much fun as the pinch bloggers have been, and with no disrespect to Brandon Crawford, Belt is really the main draw. Who else but Belt would be able to use just one blog entry to encompass diverse topics such as how much he needs to shut up in the dugout, how to grip a fork without his thumb, and the relative likability of Godzilla at the beginning and end of the new movie. Even on the DL, Belt's MFAS+ (Man For All Seasons above league average) remains stellar.

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The hardest team to Love
There have been some brutal losses in Giants history. And we have names that go along with those losses: Salomon Torres, Scott Spiezio, Jose Cruz Jr, Finley, Spilborghs. Now imagine a world where the Giants lost late leads, but none of them mattered. Imagine if the last 25 years of Giants history was mostly just loss after loss, and none of it mattered, and the team was never even close enough to the playoffs to have a punch-to-the-gut type game like that. That's the Royals.

On the other hand, they have fountains in their stadium. Fountains are cool!

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Synth-playing otters are sports
I demand this sport be put in the Olympics, so that there is a sport I care about in the Olympics.