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The hottest Winter Meeting rumors

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It'll be pretty funny if Lester signs by the time this goes up and half of it is obsolete

Also, he kinda looks like Cody Ross, which can only be a good thing
Also, he kinda looks like Cody Ross, which can only be a good thing
Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Grant is at the Winter Meetings, and he's getting some juicy scoops. How juicy? Juicier than OJ Simpson drinking Tropicana while squeezing a lemon and eating a rare steak. Also, OJ's in prison, but that isn't relevant to the metaphor. Too bad he couldn't be in a juice bar. That would really take it to the next level.

Now, Grant's been teasing us with hints on Twitter:

But sadly, he can't let us know about any of those rumors:

So this site can't share baseball rumors. But what it can do is share Brisbee rumors. Because GMs aren't the only ones wheeling and dealing. Grant, too, is trying to make things happen, kick some tires, do some due diligence. Here's what I've heard he's been trying to accomplish.

Get Pedro Feliz a Job

Did you know that Pedro Feliz is at the Winter Meetings? We can only assume Grant invited him there, and for a specific purpose too. Step 1 of The Plan is complete. Now onto Step 2...

Pedro Feliz: Hello, I am Pedro Feliz. I have played in the major leagues for a long time. I can still contribute at multiple positions, including-

Ned Colletti: I want you at catcher.

Feliz: I only caught once, and I don't think that-

Colletti: Backup catcher. $3 million. Take it or leave it.

Feliz: Well, I, I guess-

Colletti: You drive a hard bargain. We'll trade Ellis for nothing and Butera for less, and you're the starting catcher. How about that?

Feliz: Uh, well, sure, that's-

Andrew Friedman: COLLETTI! YOU BETTER NOT BE PROMISING CRAPPY EX-GIANTS JOBS AGAIN!

Colletti: Crap, gotta go. But real quick, we've got a hole in the outfield. Is Aaron Rowand around?

Incept The Word "Zobrist" Into Sabean's Subconscious

Brian Sabean, Bobby Evans, and John Barr enter an elevator. Sabean pushes "16."

Sabean: ...I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!

They share a chuckle. There is a lull in conversation.

Ghostly voice: zoooooobrrissssttttttttt

Evans: That was weird. What was it?

Ghostly voice: zoooooobrrissssttttttttt

Barr: Do you think it's that guy?

Grant stands in the corner, looking nonchalant

Grant: Hey, I'm just minding my own business here

Grant: zoooooobrrissssttttttttt

Spread Mean Rumors About Chicago

Jon Lester is talking with a couple people at a party. Grant is on the other side of the room.

Grant: Ah-CHOO!

Grant: Sorry, I WAS JUST IN CHICAGO, THE HOME OF MANY AIRBORNE DISEASES

Lester doesn't notice

★★★

Jon Lester is at the bar, drinking a beer, checking his phone. Grant, several tables over, is also checking his phone.

Grant: Oh man, NO RECEPTION? WHERE AM I, CHICAGO, WHICH IS ALSO A PLACE THAT DOESN'T BREW ANCHOR STEAM? THAT'S AWFUL. WHAT AN AWFUL PLACE THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER WANT TO GO.

Lester lifts a finger and two security guards drag Grant outside, then throw him in the dirt, next to...

Al Yellon: You too, huh?

★★★

Jon Lester is sitting by the pool in a t-shirt. Grant , on a balcony several stories up, talks through a megaphone.

Grant: CHICAGO WEATHER MEANS THAT YOU COULDN'T DO THIS EVEN-

Grant's phone beeps. He sees a tweet that says Lester may get a 7-year deal. He takes a moment.

Grant: YOU'LL BE THERE DURING THE SUMMER. WEATHER'S A TOTAL NON-ISSUE. GOD BLESS.