Have you ever wondered who would be on the Giants' All-Geography team? Me neither! I made one anyway.
C- Paul Florence
Paul Florence played one season in the majors (1926), as well as one season for the NFL's Chicago Cardinals. He went on to stay involved with baseball for his whole life, working for the Astros for decades.
Florence, Italy is probably best known for its appearance in 2009's Assassin's Creed II. Can't think of anything more important than that. That era saw such a renaissance in open world games!
1B - Orlando Cepeda
You know who Orlando Cepeda is. He's in the Hall of Fame, his number's retired, and his cha-cha bowls are delicious, though expensive.
Orlando, Florida is home to Disney World. If you like miserable Florda heat, and also lines, and also spending a lot of money, check out Disney World.
2B - Jeff Kent
Jeff Kent is a borderline Hall of Famer whose career was once almost derailed by a freak truck-washing accident. We can all be glad he came through that one okay, but Jeff, man, washing your truck is dangerous. You should really consider a vehicle that's much easier to clean, like a motorcycle.
Kent County in England is home to the White Cliffs of Dover and to the city of Canterbury, whose tales have been read for centuries. Sadly, they've been coasting since Chaucer, and haven't come up with anything nearly as iconic since. Come on, guys. Make an effort.
3B - Denny Lyons
Denny Lyons played for the Giants in 1892, on the same team as Hall of Famers Buck Ewing, Mike Tiernan, and Amos Rusie. In 1914, Francis Richter of The Sporting Life ranked him the best AL third baseman of the 1880s. I had never heard of him before yesterday.
In the English-speaking world, Lyon, France used to be known as Lyons. Its metro area is the second largest in France, and Interpol's headquarters is located there, which makes sense, since Interpol's original mission was to track down and arrest people who still spell Lyon with the S.
SS - Jim Davenport
I know Davenport is mostly thought of as a third baseman, but there were two seasons in which he played more games and more innings at short, so I'm putting him here. This is mostly because I couldn't find any real shortstops, or I could, but then I accidentally closed the tab and forgot about them.
Davenport, Iowa is the hometown of 49ers great Roger Craig, and in 2010 Forbes Magazine named it the most affordable metropolitan area in America.
LF - Irish Meusel
Irish Meusel was an outfielder who led the league in RBIs in 1923, back when the most learned baseball scholars thought that meant something. He faced his brother Bob, a Yankees pitcher, in three straight World Series between 1921 and 1923.
Ireland is an island off the coast of a somewhat larger island. It is mostly known for its potatoes and for people telling you Guinness tastes better there. Really? Wow! Never heard that one before!
CF - Darryl Hamilton
Darryl Hamilton played center field for the Giants for a year and a half before being traded for Ellis Burks. Also, it was his birthday yesterday. Happy birthday, Darryl! I got you a putting you on this list.
The CFL team in Hamilton, Ontario plays at the new Tim Hortons field. The Canadian to Words ratio in that sentence is off the charts.
RF - Ken Henderson
There were a lot of factors conspiring against Ken Henderson. His first few years in the majors were poor, he was excellent at drawing walks, but that talent wasn't properly valued back in the '60s and '70s, and Giants fans were used to watching Willie Mays, so anyone would pale in comparison. Henderson was a pretty good player who got shipped out of town in a bad deal, and that's a shame.
Henderson, a suburb of Las Vegas, is the second largest city in Nevada and is ranked as one of America's best cities to live in. Notable residents include Celine Dion, Flavor Flav, and Bryce Harper, who make it a point to have tea together every Thursday evening.
SP - Tim Hudson
Tim Hudson is on the Giants right now. Hi, Tim! You are very likable.
The Hudson River flows through New York, which means that you have probably heard of it. Things in New York are more important than things not in New York, you know.
The Cumberland River runs through northern Tennessee and southern Kentucky, passing through Nashville on its way to the Ohio river. I'd make a joke about that part of the country, but I don't want to draw the ire of TheLetter2.
Manager - Dusty Baker
Dusty Baker seems like a nice man with an excellent clubhouse presence whose ability to manage pitching staffs and inability to win in the postseason has led to psychic scars in two of our nation's greatest cities, and also Cincinnati.
Baker, Louisiana is a small city whose annual Buffalo Festival includes events such as a Running of the Buffaloes, a Buffalo Wings Tasting Contest, and a They Ran Out Of Buffalo Things After Just Two Because There Isn't A Rodeo Anymore.
PH/OF - Dusty Rhodes
Dusty Rhodes was the MVP of the 1954 World Series. He hit the game-winning homer in the The Catch game, and drove in two runs in Games 2 and 3. He came into those games as a pinch-hitter for future Hall of Famer Monte Irvin, which should tell you something about his bat. Something positive, to be specific.
Rhodes, Greece was historically best known as the home of the Colossus, a statue that was, by all accounts, larger than the Willie Mays statue outside AT&T park. This is widely viewed as a manufacturing error by the Mays sculptor.
2B - Ray Durham
Ray Durham played second base for the Giants between 2003 and 2008, and his frequent injuries and one terrible year obscure how good of a player he was. Also, he did not know what the G stood for in G-string.
Durham, North Carolina is the hometown of Giants managing great Roger Craig, whose frequent steal attempts, pitchouts, and busted hit-and-runs would infuriate the fans of today. He is still rightfully beloved.
PR - Jack Aragon
Jack Aragon pinch ran one time. That is all he ever did in the majors. He's here because I have a lot of cities and some rivers and counties, but no kingdoms.
The Kingdom of Aragon was in the northeast part of Spain, not including Barcelona. I went out of my way to put it on this list.
SP - Mark Portugal
Mark Portugal was an okay pitcher who was dominant against the Giants, so they went out and signed him, and he was, overall, okay. Somehow, the Giants did not predict this. He did win a Silver Slugger though!
Portugal is the country that looks like it's being shoved into the Atlantic Ocean by Spain. Back in the day, they had a vast empire, which included Brazil, Angola, and East Timor. Nowadays, someone who can name three cities in Portugal is considered worldly.
RP - Cecil Ferguson
Cecil Ferguson played for the Giants in 1906 and 1907. After baseball he went on to a career in osteopathic medicine. If you're wondering what "osteopathic" means, it's a synonym for "fake."
Ferguson, Missouri is a suburb of St Louis. You've probably heard of it.