I wrote this yesterday morning, assuming nothing much would happen during the day. So if, like, Buster Posey goes on his PR team's Twitter account and subtweets Jake Peavy by talking about how annoying dudes who yell on the field are, sorry. I missed that scoop.
Ballpark pup has Brewers celebrating 'Hanksgiving'
This Thanksgiving, let's all come together and celebrate the story of Hank. Born in a manger, possibly, to a mother who was conceived without Original Sin, because she was a dog, it seems clear that Hank is the modern reincarnation of Jesus. And what is yesterday's holiday about, if not celebrating Jesus?
Oh, just food? Whoops!
Top College Hitters in 2015 Draft
The MLB draft is only seven months away, so you'd better start getting ready! Who are the top college hitters? Well, this website I've never heard of before has a list. They've also got college pitchers, and high school hitters and pitchers. So if you want to buff up your Expert Cred and talk about Donny Dewees or Beau Borrows, or even guys with non-alliterative names if you're a weirdo who's into that, now's a good time to start. Only losers wait until things are interesting before discussing them!
How the Owners of All 30 MLB Teams Made Their Money
Let's try to figure out who made their money in the most disgusting way. Mike Ilitch from the Tigers certainly stands out for starting Little Caesar's. Jerry Reinsdorf set up tax shelters for rich people. David Glass was CEO of Wal-Mart for more than a decade. The Rays' Stuart Sternberg made hundreds of millions at *shudder* Goldman Sachs. Jeffrey Loria, Fred Wilpon, and Hal Steinbrenner are really more distasteful for who they are than for how they got their fortunes, which is sad, because I'd assumed Loria had embezzled it from an orphanage or something.
Obviously, the most decent owner is Ron Fowler, who owns the Padres, because he got rich distributing beer.
The Baseball Top 250: Players 250-226
Lists! This is the Internet, so we love lists because we can objectively rank things and then argue about the rankings. This list ranks the top 250 baseball players ever, including Negro League and Japanese League players. If you want to get angry, here, I'll get you started: HOW COULD YOU RANK DAVID WRIGHT OVER BILL TERRY? BILL TERRY IS A LEGEND. HE'S SUCH A LEGEND THAT HIS NUMBER 3 IS RETIRED, AND FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS MEL OTT'S NUMBER. HOW COULD YOU.
ENTER PASSWORD_: A supercut of ‘90s cinema hackers
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Did anyone ever use that as a tagline? I don't think so. I'm trademarking it. It's all mine now!