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Pablo Sandoval reportedly has deal with Red Sox

For sale, cheap: Thousands and thousands of ratty Panda hats.

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Good morning! Pablo Sandoval reportedly has a deal with the Boston Red Sox for five years, close to $100 million. The Giants have not been told they're out of it, according to Jon Heyman, but they're reportedly resigned to the news. That's resigned. Not re-signed. Which Pablo isn't.

The first piece of advice: Mutter "at least it isn't the Padres," over and over and over.

The decision doesn't appear to be about money, at least not in full. The Giants were prepared to offer $100 million, matching the Red Sox offer. Sandoval is going there for a change of scenery, in part. Also, because it makes sense. He has a smaller park now, and he gets the golden tumbling mat of the DH slot in four years when David Ortiz retires. There hasn't been a David Ortiz #fatchat yet, and he's still running to first for a double he hit in September. Nobody cares. That has to appeal to Pablo.

It's like Captain Bern Hembrook in the Mr. Show sketch where they blow up the moon. Pablo Sandoval won a World Series. He won another World Series. He won a third World Series. What more was there to do here? Win a fourth World Series, which ... yeah, that would appeal to me.

The second piece of advice: Sob "at least it isn't the Dodgers," over and over and over, which I was resigned to as late as September. He's just far enough away to make it feel slightly unawful. It still feels awful.

There will be time for longer reactions and hey-we-have-$100-million-to-spend-now rosterbatory posts later in the day. This is something to wake you up. Good morning! Pablo Sandoval is on the Red Sox now. Adjust your expectations accordingly.