Padres reportedly interested in Pablo Sandoval

The headline: Padres are fifth team in Panda derby. This meme isn't so funny now.

The source of the Padres rumor: Jon Heyman.

The Padres have interest in Pablo Sandoval, expanding the field of known interested teams in the star third baseman to five.

The Giants have watched a lot of their greats play for the Padres over the decades. Willie McCovey, Jack Clark, uh, Mike Aldrete ... Von Joshua ... really, it's a long list. I wasn't around for the McCovey trade, so I can't pretend like I would know if Sandoval to the Padres would be even more annoying, but I don't think it's a stretch to suggest it would be one of the most annoying pairings possible. The Giants play the Padres 60 times every year; we'd have a lot of chances to watch Panda wistfully, like John Cusack at the end of Being John Malkovich.

If you're laughing at the Padres' ability to spend, don't. Teams with low budgets are teams with reasonable payrolls. Teams with reasonable payrolls are liable to jump into a public restroom and change into their mystery team garb at any second. Don't forget that the Padres signed a sizable TV deal recently. They get upwards of $50 million every year, regardless of how many people actually watch.

Padres intern: The ratings are in! The last game got an eight.

Padres exec: Hot dog! An eight share! That's just fantastic.

Padres intern: No, eight people. One of them was Bud Black forgetting to turn his TV off.

Padres exec: The vending machine of progress drops its bags of pretzels slowly. I'll take it.

There might be closed-door meetings in which the new Padres' ownership has decided this is the offseason to rustle around and bang on pots and pans. Don't dismiss them.

I mean, dismiss them in general. But don't dismiss them as potential players por Panda, though. It would be a gross mystery team. But it wouldn't be completely insane. I have an actual #source who claims that Sandoval isn't making decisions this week, preferring to wait until he meets with the Red Sox.

Odds of the Giants refusing to outspend the Padres to keep Sandoval: 1,000 to 1. Worth thinking about, though. Worth thinking about. Also, those last two sentences are typos. The "d" and "t" keys are surprisingly close together.