Pablo Sandoval might be the entire offseason

I'm overwhelmed by the Giants' offseason. Possibly because I strongly feel there should be a month without rumors, trades, and signings, just so the World Series winners can roll around in their own glory and filth. Possibly because I have no idea what the Giants should do with their roster.

At the moment, I'm currently ruining the Giants in the offseason simulation project at Royals Review. And I mean ruining them. I traded for a $5 million reliever who missed most of last year, and I put in a huge, instantly regrettable offer for Jason Hammel that probably ruined my budget because I was scared at getting left behind with pitching. I forgot about Pablo Sandoval, Hanley Ramirez, and Yasmani Tomas, and I think Joaquin Arias is the starting third baseman now. It's hot stove cosplay, and I'm dressed up like a Superman 64 cartridge.

But it's a tricky situation, alright. Consider the state of the Giants' roster and whom they have to pay next year.

That's $140 million already committed, and that includes:

• A second baseman who might not be able to tie his shoes
• A bad utility infielder
• An expensive starting pitcher who shouldn't be a starting pitcher
• A couple of injured enigmas

And here's the projected roster that $140 million buys:

C - Buster Posey, Andrew Susac
1B - Brandon Belt
2B - Joe Panik
SS - Brandon Crawford
3B - Matt Duffy
LF - Gregor Blanco
CF - Angel Pagan
RF - Hunter Pence
INF - Joaquin Arias, Ehire Adrianza
OF - Juan Perez, Gary Brown

SP - Madison Bumgarner
SP - Matt Cain
SP - Tim Hudson
SP - Tim Lincecum
SP - Yusmeiro Petit

RP - Santiago Casilla
RP - Jeremy Affeldt
RP - Javier Lopez
RP - George Kontos
RP - Jean Machi
RP - Hunter Strickland/Erik Cordier/field

I don't want to suggest that's an awful roster, because it's mostly the roster that just won the World Series of Major League Baseball. But it's an uninspiring roster, and it would already be the second-most expensive roster in Giants history.

There's no third baseman.

One of the starting pitchers has been actively bad at starting pitching over the last three seasons.

The left fielder will have to play center field when the centerfielder gets hurt, which means Juan Perez?

The bullpen is hella sketchy.

The bench might be the worst bench I've ever seen.

The good news is the Giants aren't sticking to a $140 million budget. They were at $150 million last year, and they've been going up by at least $10 million every season since 2011. They probably have $20 million or $25 million to play with this offseason, I'm guessing. I don't know how much the extra World Series revenue helps next year's budget, or if that money just goes into the rainy day fund and assorted dividend checks.

Signing Pablo Sandoval, Hanley Ramirez, or Yasmany Tomas? Fooomp. There goes most of the budget. Signing Jake Peavy? Fooooomp. There goes about half of the budget, and that means no Sandoval without breaking the budget. Signing Andrew Miller, my secret wish of the offseason even though I hate paying too much for relievers and the Giants already have two lefties in an already-expensive bullpen? Not even an option, dang it.

For a team that just won everything, they sure have a messy offseason to navigate. It explains why everything is on hold until the Giants figure out what Pablo Sandoval is doing. Unless the extra revenue from the postseason means the Giants are going to push the payroll even higher, Pablo Sandoval just might be the offseason.

I don't mean to get dark on you. The offseason is supposed to be fun.

One more from #BlizzCon2014 #starcraft

A photo posted by Hunter Pence (@hunterpence) on Nov 11, 2014 at 12:33am PST

See? Fun. My only reason for bringing this up is that I'm not sure there's a right answer, other than Jon Lester, Pablo Sandoval, Yasmany Tomas, and a flaming bag of poop and hundreds on the Dodgers' doorstep. This might be the most boring offseason in years, depending on the budget and Pablo Sandoval. You've been warned.

_{Ed Szczepanski-USA TODAY Sports}

You're also surprisingly calm about this for some reason. I can't figure out why ...