There was so much to highlight from Game 1, so much mirth. Did you see Brandon Belt protecting his genitals? Alex Pavlovic would like to draw your attention to Brandon Belt protecting his genitals.
Did you see Jake Peavy and David Ortiz acting like adorable dorks who haven't seen each other for months, which is exactly what they are? It's even better than it sounds:
This brings us to Hunter Pence, who is an absolute delight. I feel painfully sorry for the 27 teams who have never had him on a roster. His mural will span five stories and bring down planes, and no one will be sorry it exists.
Here's his home run, again:
Could an English-speaking announcer pull off the smooth laugh in the middle of a home run call? Picture Dave Flemming doing it. Not his style. It doesn't work. It wouldn't work for Matt Vasgersian, Jon Miller, or Hawk Harrelson. If Joe Buck did it, it would prompt a 10,000-word longform from someone. It's so very natural for the Spanish-speaking announcer in that clip, though.
Now that we're on the subject of natural, let's bring up its antonym. Valued Twitter user LOLKNBR discovered that when it comes to Pence faces, last night offered a great one. That tweet inspired me to go back and pull video of the homer to see if there were other great Pence faces.
Oh, my goodness. Oh, oh, oh, my goodness.
The top five:
5. The Meme
Hunter Pence is living Impact font. In this picture, he's probably reacting to something we've totally all been through. "That moment when your girlfriend breaks up with you in a text." "That moment when the person at McDonald's tells you you can have hot water or cold water, but there's no button for warm water."
Hey, I'm bad at these, but you get the idea. Oh, I know, "BOOTY HAD ME LIKE" or something. let me workshop that one.
Yeah, this could work. DINGER HAD ME LIKE.
4. Night of the Hunter
They call him The Reverend because of his impassioned pregame speeches, right? You know what I think of when I hear someone with the nickname of "Reverend"? Robert Mitchum in "The Night of the Hunter."
I mean, Pence isn't a murderer like Harry Powell. He just has the look, occasionally. And the movie is named after him ...
3. The I Was Going To Do 10 Of These, But This One Made Me Stop And Do Five
Because after this one, I was incapable of committing to posting any more than I needed to. When I wake up to use the restroom tonight, this is the face that's going to be in my mirror. Which I'm mostly okay with by this point. Still.
2. The Snackening
When Hunter Pence is successful, he demands tribute. In this case, by snacking on Juan Perez's skull.
Maybe it doesn't impress you until you see it in GIF form:
1. The Opener
This was the very first shot when the camera cut to the dugout. This was a split-second jolt to America's nervous system. Welcome to Hunter Pence, nation of ours. Welcome to Hunter Pence, world. A producer yelled "Cut to the dugout!" and this is the very first frame we were treated to. Hunter Pence, everyone.
We're sorry you don't get to enjoy him as much as we do, rest of the world. He is a treasure.