The Giants aren't going to finish in last place

I'm sure you can think of less important things than a Friday night Giants/Padres game at the end of September when both teams have nothing to play for.

…

Dammit, try. Think of something. You're smart. Think of something.

But even if you don't, it was a fun game. Missed out, man. Missed out, people who watched a masterpiece of cinema or enjoyed good company or ate an amazing meal at a restaurant you've been dying to try. Missed. Out.

Because the Giants scored runs. They also prevented runs. They're 15-10 in September, you know. In case you've been wondering why you had that feeling of not-disgust welling up in your being. They've been pretty fun to watch, considering the lost-season part. I know some of you are tank commanders, and you don't see this as anything but a step toward an unprotected pick. Well, tough. The Giants aren't going to lose to a guy on the Padres named Burch Smith.

/throws down clipboard

C'mon. Now they're just messing with us. And do you know who relieved Burch Smith? Do you?

Colt Hynes.

Hopefully the 2014 draft pick will be a doozy. But I'm not going to root for the San Diego Alligator Shirts Professional Lacrosse Club just so the Giants can get a better high-school player.

Back in the day, there used to be Official Utility Players of both Waiting for Boof and McCovey Chronicles. Brian Dallimore was the first, I think. Kevin Frandsen took a spin one year, and I'm pretty sure Brock Bond got the award this year. It's the Willie Mac Award, but given out by meaningless dorks.

Those players all had a common thread: They were all quasi-middle-infielders with high OBPs. It's like a fella who likes redheads. Guilty as charged, baby. Marco Scutaro was a fetish back in the day, and look how that turned out.

But I'm done. Swearing them off. I have a new fascination. Juan Perez is a new kind of utility player. Not used to this, but he's all toolsy. Tools all up in here. He's the best outfielder on the roster, and he also has the best arm on the roster. There are some good outfielders/arms on the roster, mind you. And he can run. And he hit a home run, finally.

Perez is my guy. Any 25-man roster without him next April is an abomination. He does everything well except, well, you know. But, dammit, teach him the well, you know. Teach him that stuff, Giants.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, with the Giants leading 7-3, Gregor Blanco went for an inside-the-park home run. He had already been thrown out twice on the bases.

This was the correct decision. This was an amazing decision.

It's Sept. 27. My soul is a frayed, tattered thing. The Dodgers are in the playoffs. It's cold in here. Everything is ruined. I want off. I want off. I want off. I want off.

But I'll stick around for inside-the-park homers. Those are the kinds of things that make baseball great. They're the fake punt of baseball. The 70-foot-desperation-three of baseball. The goalie-scoring-a-goal of baseball. And if you get a chance for one of those at the end of a hopeless season, where the downside is improved draft position, you take it.

I guess the logical extension is that players should run around the bases like idiots once the playoff hopes are over, regardless of the odds.

Yeah, I can dig that.

More specifically, though, I'm enamored of the decision to send Blanco there. This Giants season -- nay, this country -- needs more inside-the-park home runs. Any attempt to that end is unquestionably noble.

In the eighth inning, Heath Hembree allowed a 3-2 single to Jedd Gyorko and a 2-2 double to Chase Headley. It was the first double for Headley this season. Yay! Congrats, Chase! Way to stay on that horse!

But back to Hembree. The rook was in trouble. Two runners on, no outs, and a four-run lead. Oooooh, boy. Let's see what he …

He was pulled.

The results were outstanding. Santiago Casilla came in, casilled all over the place, and the Giants won.

But I would have preferred to see how Hembree did in that situation. It's not like he was going to sob uncontrollably and jump in the Cove. If the Giants lose, they lose. This is the perfect laboratory. Go nuts. Add drops of liquid pressure to the Hembree sample. Dunno, let's see what happens.

From the State of the Bochy/Sabean Address earlier in the day:

Q. Which call-ups impressed the most?

A. (Brian Sabean):
I'd say Hembree is the most intriguing to me. He's come a long way in a year, a long way.

Well, okay, I don't know .. pitch him in high-leverage situations? This is a sandbox season. Go nuts. Have Hembree close and Brett Pill play second. Whatever. Lost season, let's just check it out, suckers!

Pence and Larry Baer are seriously talking contract stuff within earshot of the media in the clubhouse. Well...this is a first for me.

— Andrew Baggarly (@CSNBaggs) September 28, 2013

Ha. Nine years, $200 million. Whatever. I'm attached. Talk to me in 2017 when I'm over him, like a spoiled brat looking for a new Porsche. That needs an alignment. Like, badly. Until then, Pence is my guy.

(Still scared of the eventual numbers, though.)