There are 49 games left. You'll watch them because you are stupid. Hey, I'm with you. And if the Giants went 40-9, they could get to 90 wins, you know.
This series promised to be a real awful-off, and it hasn't disappointed. It was like the buildup to the Beat It video. Roving gangs walking through the streets, marauding, picking up members, heading for an ultimate showdown. Except pretend the gangs were awful. One guy is carrying an umbrella instead of a tire iron. Another guy is trying to light his bottle of Fanta on fire because he doesn't understand how Molotov cocktails work. Another guy is Jeff Francoeur. And they all meet in the middle and … well, whatever it is that awful gangs do. Slip a lot and fall down, i guess.
For seven innings, Madison Bumgarner was magnificent. That's the thing about this awful team: Not everyone is awful. Just some of them. Buster Posey isn't awful. Heck, most of them aren't awful in isolation. But together they're a bunch of awfulicons, and they join together to form Awfulnator, and they shoot liquid awful all over the place until Optimus Prime kicks their awful asses back in line. I can't understand this awful team. They're awful. Even while most of the players don't seem awful.
Brandon Crawford's having a good year. Marco Scutaro's slumping, but he's been a net positive. Brandon Belt's been doing okay overall, as has Pence. Posey's been great.
So why are they awful at base-balling when they get together? Well, there are a few reasons, I reckon. The first is that I've omitted some players having awful years, or at least awful stretches. Pablo Sandoval has been awful. Gregor Blanco has been awful. Anyone they stick in left field has been awful. The leadoff hitting has been awful.
It's not all cotton candy with the team then, sure. There are good reasons for the awful, and by "good reasons," I mean "awful reasons." But I still don't get how they're this awful. Do you realize the Giants' position players are fifth in the National League in accumulated WAR? They're almost dead last in the pitching category, but when measuring fielding, hitting, and baserunning, the Giants are one of the better teams in the league. On paper. According to nerds. Who are awful. But even if the pitching has been collectively awful, they should still win when Bumgarner pitches, because he transcends the awful.
No, this is more awful that we have a right to expect. I'm not sure where this all came from. Awful. You are an awful team, Giants.
This team is awful.
And when the awful team made awful plays in the field, a half-inning after awful hitters used their awful approaches to score only one run with runners on second and third with no outs, Barry Zito came in to throw an awful inning.
In conclusion, here is a Dodgers fan dropping his kid and a foul ball because it cheers me up.