Lincecum, Pence, Lopez claimed on waivers

From Jon Heyman:

Giants stars Tim Lincecum, Hunter Pence and Javier Lopez all went on waivers Saturday, and all were quickly claimed by teams.

Oh?

However, "none of them are going anywhere," according to someone familiar with the situation.

Oh.

I get that every team puts their players on waivers as a matter of procedure, but to what end? If the Giants are adamantly refusing to trade Hunter Pence, what sort of unforeseen circumstance is going to make them reevaluate the situation?

I'll tell you what unforeseen circumstance:Jurickson Profar for Javier Lopez. C'mon, Rangers. It'll win you a World Series, maybe two. Worked for the Giants.

But, okay, that's the unforeseen circumstance. An offer that's too good to turn down. To recap, here are the players in question:

• A good, not great, outfielder with a low OBP
• A once-great pitcher who has struggled over his last 60 games or so and has very little experience in the bullpen
• A left-handed specialist who sits in the bullpen, reading Yeats and smoking a pipe until it's his turn to retire the left-handed batter of the week

Yes, line up your top prospects, everyone. What's that, Cardinals? Oscar Taveras has ankle problems? Well, Javier Lopez doesn't, so it's like you're stealing from us.

The Giants won't trade Pence because they're desperate to sign him in the offseason, lest the 2014 season start with the Peguishnick platoon we dream about when we eat too many wasabi peas. They won't trade Lincecum because no team is going to donate prospects for an enigmatic playoff reinforcement, so there's no point.

Ah, but Lopez. If any of them are traded, my guess would be Lopez. The best guess at the waiver-wire order when he was claimed:

1. Marlins
2. Brewers
3. Mets
4. Cubs
5. Padres
6. Phillies
7. Rockies
8. Nationals
9. Diamondbacks
10. Dodgers
11. Reds
12. Braves
13. Cardinals
14. Pirates

The first jerk team that would claim him to prevent him from going to a competitor: Diamondbacks. They were close enough in early August to think they could use Lopez. But as the month went on, they were more interested in being jerks.

The second team that would claim him: the Dodgers.

Gross.

Brian Wilson almost pitched to Nate Schierholtz on Monday night, you know. That's a decade's worth of gross. The idea of Lopez in ... no, no, it's too much.

Unless you have too many outfielders and you want to trade that Pui ...

No, no, it's too much. If I had to guess, I'd say the Diamondbacks claimed Lopez, and now they're not interested. If not the Diamondbacks, it was the Dodgers. They hadn't won 30 straight yet, not by the deadline. So they were still in a good spot to put a claim in.

Long post short: Ain't no trades coming. If Lopez made it to the Braves or Tigers, maybe, just maybe. But looking at the standings after the trade deadline, it's hard to see a claiming-position team that would give up a bounty for any of these three players.

The trade deadline was boring. The final trade deadline will be even more boring. And the final final trade deadline (after Sept. 1) will be even more boring. Except if it's like that time the Giants randomly reacquired Bill Mueller in September even though he couldn't be on the playoff roster. What was that about?