Barry Zito, Buster Posey featured in GQ

One of these days, there will be a blogger edition of GQ. And I'll agree to be featured only if I can wear my Queensryche shirt from the 1991 Empire tour. Or if I get free clothes. They probably let you keep the clothes. So any time works for me, GQ.

Until then, they're concerned with photogenic athletes and models and such. Which means that they're looking for handsome types like Buster Posey and Barry Zito.

Did you want to see Buster Posey in sweatpants? Here's Buster Posey in sweatpants that would instantly become the most expensive piece of clothing that I own, even if Posey weren't in them anymore. The blurb calls him "The Derek Jeter of the Bay Area," which is gross. I prefer to call Derek Jeter the "Buster Posey of imperfect people."

But you're probably here for either fashion tips or Barry Zito news. Let's get the fashion tips out of the way. Based on the six pictures of ballplayers in the slideshow, socks are out. Take all of your socks into the backyard and burn them. If you go on a date with socks on, you will die alone.

Barry Zito news, now. Posey got away without an interview, but Zito sat down for a GQ&A:

Do you have the sense that you can sustain what you did during the latter half of 2012?

I have no idea. If I could predict the future, I'd be going out and be buying some Lotto tickets right now.

I know it's just an expression, but real talk: If Barry Zito won the lottery, that would be incredible. An all-time trolling job. If I had to choose between some slob winning the lottery and blowing it all in five years, or Zito winning it to troll the world, I'd most certainly go with the latter. Especially since you know Zito would use huge chunks of it to fund charity projects.

... During your time in Oakland, the media portrayed you as the reigning flaky lefty—the Bill Lee of your generation. I wondered whether that's the person you still are, if in fact that's the person you ever were.

You also have to understand that these are snippets. These are people getting five minutes with me or seeing something and then instantly they say "Bill Lee." Things like "flaky," things like "hippie": when I hear those things, my image is something completely different than the person that I set out to be every day of my life including ten, fifteen years ago.

Does anyone here still view Zito as some wacky n'er-do-well? Like the interviewer suggests, he never really was that guy. Say, look, this blogger nailed it 10 years ago.

I respect Zito, and enjoy watching him pitch, but is there a petition I can sign to prevent any more feature pieces on him? If he skipped around the clubhouse yodeling songs from Entombed's "Wolverine Blues" and playing a mandolin, maybe he'd be interesting. But no, he plays Dave Matthews songs on his guitar and takes yoga. Uh-oh! Those wacky lefties! Get the straight jacket out, we got a live one here!

And he's only mellowed with age. The same thing applies to Tim Lincecum, who seems like a relatively normal guy in his late-20s, not some (formerly) long-haired countercultural icon. I think baseball is so used to normal, that any variation on that theme gets hyped into the ground. There was a closer that used to be on the Giants, by the way ...

When you focus on guys like Zito, Lincecum, and even Wilson, you're missing the real weirdos. Like, if I could go Being John Malkovich into any Giants head, past or present, I'd have to start with Pat Burrell, right? Maybe Kirk Rueter, so I could see where he hid the bodies. Stuff like that. But Zito seems like a normal fellow, albeit one who had to deal with great wealth and incalculable expectations at a young age.

We're burying the lede again, though: socks. Get rid of your socks.

Oh, and the other lede: lol that picture of Zito.