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Hunter Pence bobblehead revealed

Ed Szczepanski-USA TODAY Sports

As a bobblehead nerd, I have bobblehead opinions. And if I ran things, I'd make it so the players getting a bobblehead giveaway would be announced, but the actual design of the bobblehead would be a secret until the day of the giveaway. That way, you could get excited opening the box, and you could say things like, "Why does this look like Tim Allen?" out loud in front of other people thinking the same thing.

Alas, I understand the reality of the situation, and showing off the designs prior to the giveaway are part of the marketing. There's no bobblehead I've looked forward to seeing more than Hunter Pence.


That was just one idea.  The technology for my Cheshire Hunter Pence doll idea doesn't exactly exist yet, but that's a minor roadblock. There were so many possibilities.


It's ... it's ... oh, no, it's ....

It's pleasant.

Hunter Pence on a scooter is pleasant. The look on his face is pleasant. Every about it seems really nice. That bobblehead isn't going to suck you into a dark portal. It probably won't even suck you into a medium-light portal. It might not even make rustling sounds from the other room while you try to sleep. It's pleasant.

I understand why they didn't even attempt the eyes, but I'm still disappointed. It reminds me of when the Mariners commissioned a 50-foot Randy Johnson banner to hang at Safeco.

(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

How do you go about making a 50-foot banner of Randy Johnson's face? By making sure you don't make a 50-foot banner of Randy Johnson's face. Don't even try. The same goes for Pence eyes on a ceramic doll. The people who could do that sort of thing are gainfully employed in the motion-picture industry. H.R. Giger could make a killer Pence bobblehead, but he apparently thinks it's beneath him. As such, we get a Pence bobblehead with sunglasses.

I still want it. I'll still display it proudly. But I wasn't expecting so much pleasant. Pence is by all accounts a pleasant feller, so I guess it fits reality more than the weird construct we've created here on the Internet. I'm just shocked that I'm not even moderately terrified. I'm not sure if that's a wasted opportunity or a close call.