Pablo Sandoval trade rumors that don't make sense

Let's clarify the headline. "Pablo Sandoval rumors" means that Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe wrote this:

Pablo Sandoval, 3B, Giants — Sandoval is available in a deal, but it’s certainly a case of buyer beware because of his weight issues. The Giants have tried everything to get Sandoval to adhere to weight restrictions and sometimes they have worked. But not last season. Sandoval is a gifted hitter. His brother recently posted photos of Sandoval working out in Venezuela, trying to show that he’s taking his conditioning seriously. Sandoval can also play first base and may have a market at either position.

I would be absolutely stunned by a Sandoval deal, just from a baseball perspective. That's before we get into the Giants' lineup and the burgeoning panda-hat market.

It wouldn't stun me to think the Giants would consider moving Sandoval in the right deal. He's a pending free agent, and they might have internally decided against a big contract extension. The Giants might have some of their own research on the aging curve of fluffy players, and they're not excited to give Sandoval $100 million (or whatever it takes to keep him.) And if that's the case, if they've already decided they aren't going to make a big push to re-sign him, why wouldn't they at least explore getting something back for him?

The part that would stun me, though, is the Giants getting a deal back that would make sense for them. I'm sure the Giants could get an interesting prospect back for Sandoval. The Giants are not in the market for interesting prospects. They would want someone to help right away, probably in the rotation. Look around for the teams with a) extra starting pitchers that b) need help at first and third. Unless I'm missing someone obvious, I'm not seeing one. I guess that would mean a three-way deal to flip the prospect in a package for a pitcher, but I'm not sure if Brian Sabean has made a three-way deal in his 17 years with the Giants.

Then you get to the part where the other team would have to give up a lot to get a player with one year left on his deal, who is coming off a down year, and who has famously struggled with his conditioning. That team would have to be pretty desperate for a third baseman. The only team that might be that desperate for a name-brand third baseman would be the Dodgers, you know. Just sayin'. Not sayin'. Obviously, the Giants aren't going to trade Sandoval to the Dodgers.

/nervous laughter

The idea of trading Sandoval at all isn't as crazy as it sounds, depending on how seriously the Giants want to keep him after this season. The idea of the Giants getting more back than Sandoval is worth to them next year is unrealistic, though. Unless there's some wacky three-way trade that's followed up with the Giants signing Juan Uribe, I don't see how the Giants would even consider trading Sandoval until the trade deadline.

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oh god there's going to be a wacky three-way trade that's followed up with the Giants signing Juan Uribe EVERYBODY PANIC EVERYBODY PANIC EVERYBODY PANIC

...

Okay, now that we have that out of our system, I'd predict a Kyle Crick trade before a Sandoval trade, and I would predict a Dan Ortmeier trade before I'd predict a Kyle Crick trade, and the Giants would have to re-sign Ortmeier and trade him for that to happen. Which is to say, pretty sure the Giants aren't trading any of them.

If the Giants are awful again this year, Sandoval could go. But before the season? Just don't see it.