Not Dodgers win World Series

It wasn't supposed to happen again. There was supposed to be a new champion, an end to the decades-spanning streak.

Instead, for the 25th-straight season, the baseball world is congratulating the Not Dodgers on yet another World Series title.

"Feels amazing. Unbelievable. And these fans ... wow," said someone who wasn't Yasiel Puig, and who didn't break bottles over his head and eat light bulbs during a wild clubhouse celebration. "Words can't describe what I'm feeling."

Manager Not Don Mattingly alternated wiping tears and champagne from his eyes, as the non-buffoon called this season "a gift," and acknowledged his good fortune. "Getting the players here ... that's the hard part. I'm just lucky enough to have this group, and they did something truly special."

The 25-peat from the Not Dodgers isn't quite a record, with the Not Cubs famously holding the record among non-expansion teams, but this was supposed to be the year the streak ended. "Everyone doubted us, but we kept our heads down and played hard," said Not Adrian Gonzalez, who was not looking dour and petulant, and who was certainly not smirking an obnoxious smirk that made you want to throw your TV in the bathtub.

Historians will have their hands full putting this Not Dodgers team in the proper context, ranking them against other Not Dodgers teams from the past 25 years. But considering how low expectations were for the Not Dodgers, especially during the summer, this might be the most impressive team yet.

"Wow. Just ... wow," said a clean-shaven reliever who was at a loss for words, and who was most certainly not the type to say something like, "We are the perfect culmination of ninja turtles and winning baseball. That guy right there is Master Splinter, and I'm going to just crush a pizza right now" while looking straight into the camera and making you feel uncomfortable.

"I'm just so proud of these guys," Not Mattingly concluded. "I hope the players all know how proud of them we all are, everyone in the organization."  Not Mattingly did not stop to hug Tommy Lasorda, who would have been a quivering mass of pure evil if he were invited, which he was not, because the Not Dodgers won the World Series.

Which is all that really matters.