Kid Cain Clobbers Colorado in Climactic Contest

I'm under the weather, so I've asked my time-traveling cousin from the 1920's, Tip McMurphy, to help out with the post-gamer.

Dateline: San Francisco. September 19, 2012.

Hot dog! A contest for the ages at China Basin as Matt Cain of the San Francisco Giants licked the Colorado Rockies in an evening bit of baseballing. The cooling spirits flowed as Kid Cain confounded the purple persons from the Centennial State, but it was the overpowering fast-moving ball and sharp breaking pitches which proved to be most refreshing for the hometown nine and their fanatical attendees.

Kid Cain accomplished a minimum of 8 strikeouts for the seventh time on the schedule and was in the pink for the majority of his innings. The contest's hairiest moments came in the top of the fifth, when the Mile High Hitters covered the various bases with their laundry. Kid Cain would surrender a score but eventually stifle the opposition's momentum by shipping Colorado's cargo back to sea.

Pitching remains the Gint's calling card, but it was an appearance by the rarely seen and thought to be extinct panda bear that added some hotsy-totsy to the proceedings. San Francisco has been keen to add zoo animals to their ball batterers and tonight's three-for-five with three runners batted in was an exciting turn of events.

With the schedule coming to a close and the insufferable Bums lagging in the standings, only a Mrs. Grundy could look at the performance of this squadron with disappointment. The french vanilla led by Kid Cain march ever closer to a spot in the play-offs. They're the bee's knees.

Thanks, Cousin Tip!

I rarely get to write about Matt Cain, so this is all very exciting. First thing's first: when he struggled in the fifth my strawhat genetics activated and I seemed to recall that Matt Cain tends to struggle -- when he struggles -- in the fifth inning. Well, that's not really true. Turns out it's the sixth inning. And when Matt Cain struggles, he's still pretty danged good.

So let's talk about that. How great Matt Cain has been all year. So much so that it inspired this:

Okay, but that's not really true, of course. Tim Lincecum has picked it up in the second half (27 runs allowed in 79.1 innings with a 79:34 K:BB), Barry Zito has not embarrassed himself; Madison Bumgarner and Ryan Vogelsong are both tired and unlucky, respectively, and that's the rose-colored view.

In other words, it should come as no surprise that the key to the Giants making and succeeding in the postseason is Matt Cain. It's a team effort, of course, and the other guys will be just as key, but if Cain falters, it's a near certainty that the Giants are sunk.

Then again...

DAT OFFENSE

151 infield hits! Do you remember the days of Aurilia, Bonds, Kent, Burks, Snow, Santiago, Jose Guillen? 151!

That's not nearly as significant as the fact that the Giants are scoring runs, and they're scoring them with ease against bad teams. It means nothing when it comes to the postseason, as hot bats can go cold and bad bats can fake good, all thanks to the special hellterrormagicluckBobbyJJones of a short series. But the Giants have an offense. If Pablo Sandoval really does pick it up in these next couple of weeks and Xgravier Blady works out, then it's not like the Giants are going into the playoffs relying on some random pickup going on a hot streak and Buster Posey.

As it the season winds down, the Giants are gearing up. That's all I know about gears, so let's leave it there.