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The Giants, Kevin Youkilis, and the Obvious

You didn't really think that we could ignore a hey-I-know-that-guy-and-now-he's-on-the-trading-block rumor, did you? Kevin Youkilis is supposedly on the trading block, and the Giants are one of the teams linked to him. No, really, it was in a newspaper and whatnot:

Yes. I think a few teams are interested, including Arizona, the Dodgers, Giants to name a few. Problem is always salary. The Red Sox would have to eat some money and then the toughest part -- what do you get in return? A starting pitcher, a bullpen piece, another hitter? Or do you try to pick up prospects.

Without turning on the radio or perusing the Yahoo! comments, I'm sure it's the topic du jour in the general Giants world. Just gotta package that young talent like Emmanuel Burriss and Ryan Theriot for Youk, I'm sure.

This isn't the typical veteran-hitter trade, though. Over at Baseball Nation, I wrote about what the Red Sox might be thinking. You don't have to read it -- just open it in three different browsers and leave them open for the rest of the day, if you would -- but the idea is that the Red Sox are looking to get better now, not in 2014. So even if Gary Brown had a lot of trade value right now, that sort of deal wouldn't be what the Red Sox are looking for. If the Giants needed to make room for Zack Wheeler, and they were willing to move Ryan Vogelsong, that would be more of what the Red Sox are looking for. But they don't, and they aren't.

Brandon Belt might get it done in a three-way deal. Belt to a lowly team, win-now player to the Red Sox, and Youkilis to the Giants. I'm sure that thought makes you really comfortable. Five years of a promising first baseman for one-and-a-half of an aging, oft-hurt first baseman. Don't see what could go wrong there.

Except I'm starting to doubt -- and you are too -- that Belt will ever live to that promise as a Giant. The Cardinals? Red Sox? Rangers? Pretty sure they could take Brandon Belt and make Brandon Beltade. But I'm panicking and thinking the Giants don't have the capacity to do the same, so I'm not as opposed to the idea as you might think. Belt's value to the Giants might be measured in what he can bring back. The drunk captain of S.S. Logic is heading straight for the iceberg of cynicism on this one.

But this is all silly rosterbation. You know this isn't going to happen. Between the money, the lack of tradeable prospects, and the lack of players the Giants are willing to trade off the current 25-man roster, the Giants aren't getting Kevin Youkilis. Even if you think it's a good idea. They aren't getting him. Stop. You're missing out on what's really going to happen.

Close your eyes. Picture Kevin Youkilis. That goatee, oh god, that goatee. Now picture the goatee fighting with Todd Helton's goatee over a piece of raw meat.

Wait, no, that's not what I wanted you to picture. Sorry about that. Close your eyes again. Picture Kevin Youkilis. Empty your mind of other thoughts. Now picture what hat his soul is wearing. Yes, I'm listening to Hawkwind and kind of tripping balls right now, but it's still an honest directive. The essence of Youkilis … picture it wearing a hat. What hat is it?

Of course it's a Dodgers hat. Of course it is. This is going to happen. The Dodgers are starting to think that the 83rd chance they gave to James Loney wasn't a great idea, and they aren't enamored of Adam Kennedy's contribution to the third-base arts. They have money again. They have prospects. They have a hilarious general manager who will give up even more prospects than you think.

This is going to happen.

So while you think up silly scenarios that won't happen, keep in mind that Kevin Youkilis will be traded to the Dodgers any day now. The universe works in mysterious ways. Some of the time.