Giants sign Chad Gaudin

The Giants signed right-handed reliever Chad Gaudin to a minor-league deal, and he'll presumably battle for the last spot in the bullpen. Here's the sum of my knowledge in the Chad Gaudin sciences:

1. Chad Gaudin is either kinda hot, or he looks like he plays bass in Trapt

It's probably the Trapt one. I can cross my fingers and hope for the lady one, though, even if it would be really, really, really confusing.

2. He has never been a good reliever
ERA isn't the best way to evaluate a reliever, but bear with me. Over 700 innings, it's not a bad way to evaluate them. And in 739 career innings, Gaudin has a career ERA of 4.63. His lowest ERA since 2006: 4.40.

3. He has deceptively nasty stuff
Add this one up with #2 up there, and you have Julian Tavarez. Gaudin throws in the mid-90s, with a slider that's like a Zito fastball with a lot more movement.

Look at the movement on this fastball!

And you think, well, maybe Righetti can BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL THINK. DO NOT LOOK AT THE CHAD GAUDIN DIRECTLY.

4. Gaudin was on the Marlins last year
So he smells like teal and disappointment, and when he closes his eyes, he sees spinning fish.

5. Two people like him

Hey, that's nice.

6. His name sounds like a piece of furniture
This was first reported here.

Tabitha took her thumb off. The piece held. She wiped the glue off on her dress (or tried to, anyway) and put the goblet in the very back of the chadgaudin. They haven't brought out the good china in years, so no one would see it. The perfect crime.

7. He started 19 games for the Padres in 2009
What?

8. Seriously
I don't remember that at all.

9.He dominated the 2009 Giants in a May start.
hahaha

10. Kevin Frandsen started at shortstop. Bob Howry pitched an inning for the Giants.
Wait, what? I don't remember any of that. Bob Howry was on the Giants? Like, in the majors?

11. He appeared in 63 games for the Giants that year.
...

12. But back to Gaudin. Aaron Rowand had three hits in that game
Chad Gaudin, everyone.

13. He's basically Mota
That's not fair. He could also be Clay Hensley. And, you know, Gaudin is only 29. I guess if Righetti gets his hands on him ...