Andres Torres signs with the Giants

Every offseason, I write 50,000 breathless SHOULD THE GIANTS SIGN THIS PLAYER??? posts, and they're almost always stupid. But every seven years or so, the Giants actually do it. This is one of those times. And it's fantastic. According to Andrew Baggarly, the Giants have signed Andres Torres to a one-year deal pending a physical.

Awesome.The argument from two weeks ago went something like this:

• The Giants needed a reserve outfielder
• Andres Torres probably wasn't expecting to start in 2013
• The Giants didn't want someone who was going to make a lot of money
• Torres wasn't going to ask for a lot of money
• Mets fans were rude to him, treating him like those people who keep their dogs outside at all times, even when it's raining and snowing
• I'm not comparing a human being to a dog because that would be distasteful. Just saying the Mets were jerks and they didn't deserve the splendor of Andres Torres
• Though Torres will jump up and down and lick your face when he gets excited, and that played a small part in the analogy

Andres Torres is back, everybody. He might -- probably will? -- hit .220/.310/.330 when he's healthy, which is the sort of thing you can find in the alleys of free agency, so it isn't like this is some great strategic coup. But if the Giants needed to get a fourth/fifth outfielder to do fourth/fifth outfielder things, why not an old friend?

Welcome back, old friend. You don't have to talk about those days in New York if you don't want to. Let's think about happier times.

lol

lol

In an offseason in which the Giants could have come away with Shane Victorino, they brought back Andres Torres. I don't know what that means in wins and losses, but I know what it means in terms of good and evil.