Sometimes the brain isn't cut out for narrative. Today is one of those days. So instead, I present an assortment of fun facts. They're fun! And factual.
Fun fact #1:
The Giants' record when they score exactly one run: 2-9
The Giants' record when they score exactly two runs: 5-10
The Giants' record when they score exactly three runs: 12-3
That last one is insane. After scoring three runs, the Giants hitters put on a bathrobe, sit down, and just relax. As well they should. Three runs or more is an offensive explosion that leads to a win. Take the rest of the night off, fellas.
Fun fact #2:
The best player drafted by the Padres in the first round since Dustin Hermanson in 1994: Khalil Greene in 2002 (8.8 WAR with the Padres). After that, it's Tim Stauffer (4.5). Next is Sean Burroughs (1.7). That was 18 years ago. They've had 36 first-round and first-round supplemental picks since then. Jerome Williams would be third on the Padres list, and Jerome Williams retired six hundred years ago in shame and ignominy.
Fun fact #3:
Jerome Williams did not retire. He is on the Angels' triple-A team, where he has thrown two fantastic outings, walking two and striking out 12 in 14-1/3 innings. His 3.14 in Salt Lake City translates to a -0.10 ERA in Fresno.
Fun fact #4:
Dan Uggla has been worse than Miguel Tejada this season. Uggla is hitting .177/.247/.341 with clankmittery at second. Miguel Tejada has four months left on his contract. Dan Uggla has five years.
Fun fact #5:
There is a middle infielder in the Diamondbacks system who is hitting .321/.398/.632 with 20 home runs. There have been two shortstops who have hit better than .300/.375/.600 with 20 or more home runs in major league history.
Fun fact #6:
The Giants could probably trade a prospect for this middle infielder.
Fun fact #7
The middle infielder is Cody Ransom.
Fun fact #8
Cody Ransom is 35 years old.
Fun fact #9
Andres Torres is swinging at fewer pitches out of the strike zone this year compared to last. He's making more contact, swinging and missing less, and taking more pitches.
Fun fact #10
Despite all of that, Andres Torres has not been as good as he was last year.
Fun fact #11:
That last fact wasn't fun. :(
Fun fact #12:
Of all the hitters who are underperforming expectations, Torres is the one I'm least worried about.
Fun fact #13:
A picture exists of Andres Torres congratulating Wily Mo Pena and Angel Berroa after scoring on a bases-loaded triple from Jose Reyes in the 2002 Futures Game. The triple was hit off Aaron Cook.
Fun fact #14
Though Angel Berroa was once the American League Rookie of the Year, you might not know that Jose Reyes has actually had the better career.
Fun fact #15
Since injuring Buster Posey, the Marlins were smote by an angry god. Probably Posey himself.
Fun fact #16
Most vendors work on commission, taking home a percentage of what they sell.
Fun fact #17
A vendor who worked last night's rain-delayed A's/Marlins game would have made exactly $1 if he were selling pot brownies, dates with models, and $5 bills for $1.
Fun fact #18
FanGraphs says that there are 15 pitchers who have been better than Tim Lincecum this year, and 20 non-Lincecums who have been better than Matt Cain.
Fun fact #19
No one is better than Matt Cain or Tim Lincecum.
Fun fact #20
Except maybe Madison Bumgarner, who has been better than Josh Beckett this year, according to FanGraphs.
Fun fact #21
The Giants are 5-11 in Madison Bumgarner starts this year. The Red Sox are 10-5 in Josh Beckett starts this year.
Fun fact #22
The Red Sox have a better offense than the Giants.
Fun fact #23
The Red Sox are not in first place.
Fun fact #24
The Giants are.
Fun fact #25
The Giants have won seven games in a row, which is their longest winning streak since the 2007 Giants won eight in a row from April 18 to April 26.
Fun fact #26
The 2007 Giants won at least eight games.
Fun fact #27
The title of this post is misleading.
All facts! All fun, expect the ones that weren't.