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Post-game thread: Giants win 1-0 because at this point, they're just trolling

Since 1919, the Giants have won a game 1-0 just 152 times. Fourteen of those wins -- just under ten percent -- have come in the past four years. If I had to guess, I'd wager that this is the only one with a balk providing the only run.

That's it. That's all I have. There are only so many ways to write "Matt Cain is good," and only so many to write "this offense is ghastly." On June 25, 2011, I ran out of ways to describe a great start from Matt Cain at the same time I ran out of ways to describe a terrible offense.

I guess I can start making up facts.

  • Matt Cain is 87-0 over his career when getting at least .3 runs of support.
  • Manny Burriss has not had a hit since 2008.
  • By playing Miguel Tejada today, the San Francisco Baseball Associates LP now qualifies as a a 501(c)(3) charity, which should help the Giants increase payroll next year because everything can be written off.
  • Javier Lopez has a contract that pays him $25M per year, with $5M subtracted for each hit he allows to a left-handed hitter.
  • Javier Lopez is the highest-paid player in baseball.
  • The Giants are undefeated in games in which Andres Torres falls down for the final out.
  • In the history of Major League Baseball, a run has never scored on the "contact play" that wouldn't have scored otherwise.
  • Nate Schierholtz slipped on a puddle that formed from the rain cloud that hovers over Matt Cain's head when he starts.
  • By scoring a single run today, the Giants increased their season average of runs scored per game.
  • Aaron Rowand totally would have gone 3-for-4 against Justin Masterson.

All true. What a fascinating, annoying team.