I covet Stephen Drew. Can’t really explain why. Well, he’s good, sure, but I covet him more than shortstops who are better, like Troy Tulowitzki. There’s something about Drew’s skill set, possible availability in future free-agent markets, and the way he’s kind of overlooked that makes him seem, dunno, realistic.
Oh, man, this is moving towards "Why I’d rather date Pam from ‘The Office’ rather than Angelina Jolie"-territory, isn’t it? Okay, let’s try to recover.
Miguel Cabrera is good. Great, even. Off-field problems aside, he’d make the Giants better than almost any other first baseman in the game. But whenever I watch him play, I don’t think, "Oh, man, I wish he were on the Giants." Well, sometimes I do. But it isn’t the first thought. It’s kind of implied. There are other first basemen I covet more.
So now that you’re totally confused, here is my All-Covet Team made up of players from around Major League Baseball who I wish were Giants.
C - George Kottaras
Because a) he’s good enough offensively to help the Giants a little right now, and b) he’s not good enough that I’d feel bad about putting him right back on the bench when Buster Posey came back.
1B - Justin Smoak
Well, of course Votto and Pujols are better, but I’ve coveted Smoak since the draft. Sure, Posey was the better pick (by TAR*), but I’ll always have a soft spot for Smoak. And I don’t feel bad for coveting Smoak with Belt on the team. Belt can move to the outfield. Heck, but him at short. The whole throws-left thing is an old wives’ tale. I think. Maybe not.
2B - Danny Espinosa
You can’t just make a list like this from a WAR ranking. You have to go with random gut feelings so the list will look awful in five years. Espinosa is hitting .212, but by focusing on that, you’re ignoring the rest of his career. For his career, he’s a .213 hitter. Get it right. But I love his defense and power, and he was rushed a little bit through the minors. He’ll get better. Basically, I feel like those parents who raise a degenerate, and when they’re in prison, really take a liking to the neighborhood boy who delivers the paper. In this metaphor, Kevin Frandsen could get out early with good behavior.
SS - Stephen Drew
See above. I’ll also accept most other non-Tejadas with all of their limbs still attached, no questions asked.
3B - Evan Longoria
The best contract in baseball. The Giants had something similar with Matt Cain, but nothing this team friendly. Dude’s so poor with his current contract, he can only afford one cap. But it’s not like Pablo’s a consolation prize. So danged glad he’s back.
LF - Logan Morrison
There aren’t a ton of covetable left fielders, really. I don’t really want to see where Matt Holliday is in six years, and while Ryan Braun is younger, there’s no way he isn’t a burrelian clonkmeister when he’s 34, if he isn’t already. Give me the cheeky fellow with the tweetin’ thumbs and an idea how to work the count.
CF - Andrew McCutchen
Oh, man. This guy is probably at the top of the whole list. The zippy/punchy combination from such a little guy is just aesthetically please for some reason. He’s like a little waterbug out there, but he can also hit homers to dead center. He was actually a lot more covetable when the station was stuck on KROW -- all Rowand, all the time -- but if I could watch one non-Giant play every day, it’d probably be McCutchen. Well, actually, it’d probably be Clayton Kershaw, because if he played every day, he’d get tired and start sucking.
RF - Jose Bautista
He reminds me that we used to watch a guy do the things he did in April and May for entire seasons.
SP - The Giants’ current staff
RP - Like, the same guys, but with Jonny Venters
Yeah, there’s no point in coveting a bunch of pitchers. How tacky.
But Venters is fun.
Now you. If you’re a completionist, go for the full roster. If not, just cough up your most coveted player. I like the guys we have for the most part, but there’s nothing wrong with window shopping every now and again.
*Trophies Above Replacement Level