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Giants/Rockies Series Preview

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What is this two-game series nonsense? You can’t get appropriately worked up over two games in Colorado. It’s like walking with a tour guide through Hades. You have a laminated "Visitor" badge ... an informational brochure ... you stop to take a picture of some of the damned, who are wailing and gnashing their teeth. But then you get to leave. You don’t have to get your hands dirty. A two-game series in Colorado? That only leaves room for two bullpen collapses. That’s not nearly enough.

My favorite part, though, is that this is the first series of the year against the second-place Colorado Rockies. Mmm. That reads nicely. Not the first-place Rockies. Nope. Second. Mmmm. They’re 3-12 in May, and they’ve lost two straight series at home. Actually, in the past month, they’ve only won two of their nine series -- both against the Cubs.

Like I’m going to fall for this possum nonsense, though. Rockies. Coors Field. Get some canned food. The Giants have won their last two trips there, but I’m not going to feel anything but dread until the 84th straight series win. In 2046, you’ll read a much different series preview. Until then, I’m a little thankful that it’s only a two-game series. Same goes for Troy Tulowitzki. Like I care that he’s in a slump.

I have Coors-Field-is-unpleasant posts saved to my desktop, but those are for a rainier day. Instead, consider this a big ol’ comment starter. Ubaldo Jimenez and Carlos Gonzalez aren’t even close to the players they were last year. Jimenez is making Jonathan Sanchez look like Greg Maddux when it comes to command. Carlos Gonzalez is looking like he’s having one of Nate Schierholtz’s down seasons.

So which one of these is true?

The Rockies are treading water right now, but just wait until CarGo and Ub-Jay get going. They’ll assert their mineral-based dominance on the rest of the league.

...or...

The Rockies are doomed -- doomed! -- because two of their best players are struggling! Hahaha! THEIR WORLD IS CRUMBLING.

The latter appeals to me because I do not like the professional baseball team from Denver. But I’m always inclined to assume the former -- that eventually the good players will re-good. It was appropriate to wonder if Carlos Gonzalez could be as good as he was last year, but he isn’t a poor man’s Nate Schierholtz. Ubaldo could be more of the second-half guy from last season rather than the one from the first-half, but he isn’t Todd Wellemeyer.

Shorter way to put it: CarGo and U-Jimi: "uh-oh, just wait," or "hahahaha"? I’ll take my question off the air.

Hitter to watch

I would have put Ian Stewart here just because his line is so awesome: .064/.154./085. That line is worse than Barry Zito’s from 2008 and 2009. It’s worse than Kirk Rueter in 2003 and 2004. Heck, it’s worse than a ton of Giants pitchers in the past -- take a look for yourself. Anything can happen in 50 plate appearances, but Stewart took slumping to a new level.

But he’s in the minors. So I’ll just point the player I don’t want to watch: Chris Ianetta.

 

I Split G PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS
San Francisco Giants 49 181 129 19 43 10 2 5 24 43 34 .333 .511 .558 1.069
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table -  Generated 5/16/2011.

Stop that. Come on, seriously. Mix in a few grounders.

Pitcher to watch

Clayton Mortensen has a 1.80 in his 15 innings against the Giants. Stop that. Come on, seriously. Don’t mix in a few grounders.

Prediction

This guy from Purple Row is going to be all "Oh, yeah?" and then someone from here is going to be all "Yeah!" and then the guy from Purple Row will be like "Pfft, no way!" and then the person from here will be all "What are you going to do about it, huh?", and then they’ll each post the other one’s comments at their home site as if anyone really cares.