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Giants/Diamondbacks Series Preview

Here’s how the rest of the season looks:

Arizona (3)
@ San Diego (4)
@ Los Angeles (4)
@ San Diego (4)
@ Los Angeles (4)
San Diego (3)
Los Angeles (3)
Milwaukee (1)
Chicago (1)
Arizona (2)
San Diego (2)
@ San Diego (5)
@Colorado (16)

Something like that. I didn’t look it up because I’m pretty sure that’s right. Except for a couple of games against the Brewers and Cubs, it’s N.L. West for the rest of the season. This is a problem, see, because the Giants have issues with most of these teams.

  • Even though the Giants took the last Dodgers series, it’s been a few years since the team had reason to feel confident against the blue horde. The Dodgers usually pummel Giants pitching, even when the starting staff isn’t struggling like it is now.
  • The Rockies exist to annoy the Giants, and they’re slowly creeping back into the wild-card race. Is anyone looking forward to a three-game set in Colorado with six games left in the season? Yuck.
  • When the Giants sacrificed a unicorn to get the magic inside -- even though they had the right permits and everything -- the Padres tattled to the Forest Master, who enchanted the bats of both teams, and now the Padres are destined to get all the singles they need, and the Giants can only hit it to various Hairstons sprinkled around the field while the Forest Master laughs at our misery, for we should not have sacrificed the unicorn for selfish purposes, even though, truth be told, it was kind of an annoying unicorn as far as unicorns go, always asking the Forest Master for loans and such, but that’s not the point, and the Forest Master is kind of a petty jerk who went to boarding school with a couple of the Baseball Gods, so we’re doubly hosed, and even though Sabean knows how the curse is broken -- ...of outfielders and only outfielders shall thy team be made -- we’re running out of time.

    It makes as much sense as any other explanation of the Padres, so I’m sticking with it.

That leaves the Diamondbacks. They’ll play the Giants hard. They’ll win some games in the season series. But they don’t have that same je ne sais dammit that the other NL West teams do this year. Maybe they will soon, but not this year. So while this isn’t a "must-win" series, it’s a series that the Giants should take if they want to prevent an ulcer. It would be a pretty good idea to take at least two out of three against Arizona considering the rest of the season is festooned with Padres, Dodgers, and Rockies games.

A pretty good idea. Doesn’t mean that it will happen. But it would be a pretty good idea. Heck, a sweep would be an even better idea. I have a lot of good ideas. The Giants should listen to me more.

Hitter to watch:

Stephen Drew is a pile of garbage. He was supposed to be some sort of superstar, but he’s just a boring shortstop with a strong arm, good range, and an OPS+ of 101. Boooo-ring. He’s about to get really expensive through arbitration, too. The Diamondbacks should just get rid of him in the offseason. Maybe in a trade. To the Giants. For Eugenio Velez and Chris Ray. Think about it, Arizona.

Pitcher to watch:

Oh, thanks, White Sox. Just keep shoveling your young pitching over to the NL West for a bunch of broken-down jalopies like Jake Peavy and Edwin Jackson. It’s a good thing the White Sox didn’t draft Stephen Strasburg, as he would have been traded to the Rockies for Aaron Cook in July.

This burst of anger was brought to you by Daniel Hudson, who’s pretty freaking good. He has a wicked slider, which means you are guaranteed to see Aaron Rowand’s spot start on the night Hudson pitches.


Will Clark will pass Matt Williams in a hallway. Williams will say something like, "Hey! Will! How’s it going, buddy?" Clark will quietly approach Williams, then put a single, accusing finger in Williams’s face. "Go back to your outfield swimming pool, bald Judas," Clark will say. And then he’ll kill another unicorn just because the Forest Master isn’t the boss of Will Clark.

Oh, who am I kidding? Williams is still cool. My prediction is that it will annoy me to see him in a Diamondbacks uniform. Again.