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Giants/Padres series preview


Ugh. Once upon a time, the Giants rolled into San Diego with an 8-4 record. They left 8-7. It’s okay, I thought. There’s no way the Padres are good. They just got lucky.

Then the Padres came to San Francisco when the Giants were 18-12 and doing pretty well. The Giants started the next series 18-15. Well, jeepers, I thought, that’s a mite frustrating. Especially since the Giants lost the last game at home despite allowing five hits, one walk, and one run, which is the template for how they lose to the Padres.

Then the Giants went into San Diego for a two-game series, promptly getting Cained in the first game. Well, jeepers, I thought, I just might set fire to a Franciscan monastery and giggle when they lock me up. A natural reaction. The Padres have magically screwed the Giants at every turn this year. When they get one hit, they win. When they allow one hit, they win. They bloop, they floop, and they flop base hits both of the times they get a runner to second in a game. They are...the most annoying team in the world. Hairstons everywhere, David Eckstein, and David Eckstein.

This ginger ale isn’t doing anything for the nausea. Maybe it needs a little kick...

Wait, though. Things could be different this time. Consider:

  1. We've got this guy Jose Guillen.
  2. He's got more power than ANY MAN ALIVE.
  3. He's going to fix EVERYTHING.

Wait, that’s not what I wanted to write. It just came out. Welcome to McCovey Chronicles: I love you.

No, here’s why things could be different. First, the Giants have a winning streak going against the Padres. Science.

Second, it’s hard not to like the lineup a lot more right now, even with Guillen. When the Giants lost a game in which they only allowed one hit, the starting outfield was Bowker/Velez/Schierholtz. Eli Whiteside was catching, though Bengie Molina did make an apperance as the Big Bat off the bench. All of this unpleasantness was before Torres morphed into the best leadoff hitter in the league, before Huff was a top-five hitter, before Pat Burrell rose forth from his own ashes, and before Buster Posey left his exile on Mount Ida to start at catcher. The Giants’ offense is almost average now, Padres, so take that. If this were an ‘80s movie, there would have been a nice montage for you to watch so you could see how it happened.

Don’t get me wrong. The Giants could lose every single game in the series. I’m just not going to assume it’s because the Padres have some sort of mental headlock on the Giants. It’s a different team. The Padres will have to come up with a new curse. Which they could. It’s possible. I’ll shut up now.

Hitter to watch:

Oh, just pick one of the Padres outfielders hitting under .230. Hairston? Gwynn? Venable?

Wait, that’s right, they traded for Ryan Ludwick, who is actually good. The Giants countered that move by sticking a rook up their nose trading for Jose Guillen. So let’s watch this epic slapfight and see how it plays out. I can’t wait!

Pitcher to watch:

Luke Gregerson? Tim Stauffer? Clayton Richard? Wade LeBlanc? Jon Garland? Joe Thatcher? Mike Adams? Ryan Webb? What kind of private school lacrosse team crap is this? Are they all going to stand on their chairs and recite "O Captain! My Captain!" before they take the mound? I bet they listen to Dave Matthews as they tie their sweaters around their neck. Out of protest, I’m picking Edward Mujica as the pitcher to watch.


Sunday will be an awesome game. I had great seats, but instead I’ll be going to the San Francisco Zoo because people in Yo Gabba Gabba! costumes will be there too. So there will be at least one unassisted triple play, possibly two, and Buster Posey will take out Scott Hairston in an attempt to break up a double play. Hairston will be playing left field at the time. And I’ll miss it. Because people in Yo Gabba Gabba! costumes will be at the zoo. Remember this, all of you students out there, and don't forget the condoms tonight.