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Post-game thread: Giants sweep the Dodgers, triumph over evil

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Clayton Kershaw should buy some milk, put it on his face, and then get a cat to lick that crap off.
Clayton Kershaw should buy some milk, put it on his face, and then get a cat to lick that crap off.

Matt Cain: 14 starts in his career against the Dodgers, 0 wins. It was of the most ridiculous stats in baseball. Don’t even look for hyperbole in that statement. When a pitcher as good as Cain goes winless in 14 of anything -- night games, games in May, away games -- it’s a total fluke. Fluky fluky fluke fluke. He doesn’t lack some sort of viscous rival-pummeling gland next to his inner ear. In 2008, Cain had a 2.79 ERA against the Dodgers in six starts. No wins. Fluke.

And wretched offense. But we’ll focus on the fluke part for now. It was The Stat That Must Not Be Named around these parts. It meant nothing. Cain is good. Cain is fantastic. Cain can be my wingman any time. It meant nothing.

So while it’s always amazing to watch the Giants sweep the Dodgers, getting rid of that phantom monkey on Cain’s back makes this victory ridiculously satisfying.

Suck it Blake, suck it Pods, suck it Kemp, suck it Paul! Suck it Loney, suck it Theriot, suck it Martin and Furcal! To the side of home plate, right on back to the pine! Cain’s seven kinds of awesome, go suck it and whine!

Hey, it kind of feels like Christmas. I can’t help it. The Giants swept the Dodgers. The Giants swept the Dodgers. The Giants swept the Dodgers. C’mon, type it a couple of times. Feels good. Give it a whirl.

And while tonight feels like it belongs to Matt Cain, quietly one of the better starters in San Francisco history before he’s even turned 26, let’s not forget Edgar Renteria. While I was waiting for him to completely implode, I kind of missed that he’s been doing just fine. He certainly picks some pretty sweet times for his August hits. He hates the Dodgers and Russell Martin. He’s good people. I’m down with Edgar now. Sorry for coming around so late.

The Giants swept the Dodgers. The Giants swept the Dodgers. The Giants swept the Dodgers. So this is what it feels like to kick a Cobra Kai in the face.