Everyone’s up in arms about the Giants’ new dynamic pricing system. Well, maybe not everyone. This guy from SF Weekly is pretty hacked off. There was a little thread here too. I’ve gotten a couple of e-mails. Maybe "up in arms" isn’t the right phrase.
Most people around here, though, haven’t made a peep. Maybe that’s because you’re all here for the cat pictures, and not only are you nerds incapable of throwing a baseball, but you’ve never even been to a baseball game. Fair enough. But here’s the yin and yang of the new pricing scheme:
Joe Six-Pack wants to take his kid -- Ethan Six-Pack, or some crap -- to a game, but funds are a little tight. They’ll have to pick the perfect game because they aren’t going to get out to the yard more than once or twice. Ethan is in tee-ball, but he’s already starting to model his windup after Tim Lincecum, grow his hair out, and refuse to put a towel on. But when Joe Six-Pack goes to buy some tickets, he finds out that supply and demand is causing prices to jump up for Lincecum starts. Discouraged, Joe settles for a Zito start against the Pirates. Ethan loses respect for his old man and ends up a heroin addict who harvests baby manatees for an ill-conceived "veal of the sea" scheme. Then Ethan hits rock bottom and starts rooting for the Dodgers, all because he watched Zito instead of Lincecum.
A nerd who runs a Giants-themed blog -- Marichal Missives, or some crap -- wants to go to a game. He wants to watch his team most of all, but because he’s a baseball nerd, he also wants to watch Andrew McCutchen, Justin Upton, Kyle Blanks, Joey Votto, Ryan Braun, Hunter Pence, Ryan Zimmerman, and Hanley Ramirez. So he’s just thrilled that tickets for those games are subsidized by Yaz-come-lately, bent-bill-on-an-adorably-dirty-cap, "Sweet Caroline"-screeching goofballs with gullets full of chowder and a hole in their soul where the humility used to be. Thanks, guys! Buy some field club seats -- at $150 each, you can’t afford not to!
So as a father who is not only broke but cheap, I empathize with Scenario A. As a baseball nerd, I’m thrilled about being able to go to a Giants/Orioles Wednesday day game for $5. That’s almost like, hey, free Wieters. So I’m fine with the new pricing scheme. And if it makes more money for the Giants to spend on overpriced mediocrity, it’d be a crime not to go for the extra revenue. It seems like the argument against the scheme is that families can’t afford the games that everyone wants to go to. Yeah, but some things in life are luxuries. Tell Ethan to quit his whining and start mowing some lawns.
This post was not sponsored by the Giants’ advertising, sales, or public relations departments. But if anyone with the power to do so wants to throw a luxury suite my way for a July game against the Marlins, I’ll be flattered and appreciative. And you should see the propaganda I’ll turn out after that!