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If you were some sort of omnipotent deity, and you were bored with starting and/or stopping wars and junk, who would you smite first?

Person A

Yeah. It was a totally weird dream. Yeah, like, Mr. Jegflaps, my high school principal, called me in the office because I had an alligator at school, right? But then it wasn’t really an alligator, I knew it was just a hummingbird and it wasn’t even mine, but I couldn’t talk. Like, my mouth was sewn shut, and I wanted to say the words, but I couldn’t, and then my teeth started falling out, and I was like…

Person B

Did the Reds win today? You don’t know? Yeah, I have Bronson Arroyo on my fantasy team, so I was just curious. Yeah, Arroyo sucks, but he was there in the late rounds, and I thought he was a better bet than Kyle Loshe, but I probably could have gotten under my league’s innings requirement if I went with a middle reliever, and I was going to get Sergio Romo to keep my WHIP down, but….

It’s not that I’m against fantasy baseball – in fact, I endorse it heartily. It’s fun. And for a limited time, you can get 50% your fantasy league from’s Fantasy Commissioner League by clicking this link.! And…wait, where was I….

Vote in the poll. Crucial stuff, this is. This is what a March looks like on a blog that’s covering a team without any position battles. Well, there’s Wellemeyer v. Bumgarner, but that’s only good for a weekly post.

If you dare, you can read the depressing reason why I thought of this after the jump.

The reason: I noticed that in fantasy baseball rankings, every non-Pablo hitter on the Giants is dead last, or close to it. Well, Bengie Molina is usually pretty high up there, because on-base percentage usually doesn’t make a difference, and he’s a good RBI-guy as far as catchers go. Other than that, the hitters are all total bottom-feeders.

That’s not a big deal by itself – there’s a reason it’s called fantasy baseball. It’s not like it reflects reality. Fantasy baseball is concerned with batting average, home runs, RBI, runs scored, and stolen bases. Those aren’t great ways to evaluate individual players. So the worst players on a fantasy ranking aren’t necessarily going to be the worst players in baseball.

What depresses me, though, is that I’m pretty sure that the Giants evaluate players by using fantasy baseball metrics. The Giants are concerned with batting average, home runs, RBI, runs scored, and stolen bases…and they still screw that up. It’s not like the Giants have a bad offense because they’re focusing on the wrong stats and acquiring the players who are the best at accumulating those wrong stats – they’re focusing on the wrong stats, and acquiring the wrong players for those stats.

Then I got sad. And then I thought about writing this, but then I though it would fall under the category of Grant’s Law, which posits:

No one wants to hear about your fantasy team.

Science. Open Avoid Talking About the Offense Thread.