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Sizing up the free-agent class

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A look at the top free agents in the free-agent class:

  • Cliff Lee -- No, thanks. We have our left-handed ace for the next decade. Getting another one would be greedy.
  • Carl Crawford -- Four years, $80M, one of those upside-down-airplane stamps, one more year, $20M more, and just one more year on top of that with several million sprinkled around a peeing-Calvin sticker signed by Bill Waterson. That’s all it will take to get Crawford. Sounds too good to be true, right?

    As fun as it would be to watch Crawford hit some baseballs into Triples Alley for a few years, this frogurt comes with a curse. Just like Carlos Beltran became the old-’n’-busted Carlos Beltran while you were picking up your drycleaning, Crawford will lose a bunch of ability at some point, and there’s a good chance he’ll be getting paid $20M when it happens. And there’s no way this team can afford to have $20M or more in useless contracts -- they’ll never win a World Series that way.
  • Jayson Werth -- I’d prefer him to Crawford for the next two years, but Werth is two years older. If this were Baseball Mogul, I’d offer Werth a 3/$75M contract and let my cash reserves drain a bit. Alas, he’s probably going to want four or five years. No dice. Also, we’re still decades away from the first dolphin GM, which is a shame.
  • Adrian Beltre -- The Red Sox aren’t going to offer him more than 4/$52M, which is already a contract that makes me twitch. Beltre’s a good player, but he’ll be rowanding up a payroll sooner rather than later if that’s his price.
  • Victor Martinez -- A Martinez/Posey timeshare at C/1B would be more interesting if Brandon Belt weren’t close to the majors.
  • Adam Dunn -- Clomp, clomp, snorf, clomp, clank. I’m sure getting older will help his defense. It’s insane that he’s avoided the AL for this long.
  • Jorge De La Rosa -- Wait a sec...
  • Carl Pavano -- ...where did all the good free agents go?...
  • Jake Westbrook (signed! 2/$16.5M!) -- ...oh, man, where’s the door?...
  • Johnny Damon -- ...Gaaaah! Eject! Eject! Eject!

The Giants are focusing only on Juan Uribe and Aubrey Huff right now. Good. I can’t remember a less appealing free agency class. Maybe it’s because the Giants don’t have a single opening on their pitching staff. Maybe it’s because those championship opiates make everything ooookay, man. Crawford or bust. Which is to say, bust. I don’t want any of these guys, and the Giants aren’t getting Crawford.

The Giants need a shortstop, and, say, that guy we had last year is available. The Giants need a corner infielder/outfielder and, say, that guy we had last year is available. I’m becoming more and more entranced by the siren song of our own free agents. Also, there’s a chance the Giants could get someone like Mark DeRosa to play for the infield or outfield if..

...wait, what? Already on the team? Weird.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in an offseason like this. No free agents, please, at least until Huff and/or Uribe go elsewhere.