"Well, once we take Stalingrad, the rest of the Soviet Union shouldn't be a problem."
"He should be ahead in the electoral college if he takes his home state, Tennessee."
"As long as they don't take over our forest moon base with the help of several dozen moon koalas, the Rebellion will be crushed."
"You know, if the Giants have a good series in Colorado, they'll be right back in the wild-card lead."
A Giants team that isn't hitting or pitching especially well. Coors Field. Pardon me as I shake my fist at the heavens, bemoaning our fate. And...
Wait. This isn't the right way to start a series preview. It's the start of a fresh new series; anything can happen. I'm going to look at only the positive side of this series preview. Like, uh, that...uh...
Here's a positive thought: This series will be like the Woodstock of negative thoughts. By that, I mean it will be a legendary, once-in-a-generation congregation of negativity. Also, several of the performers will stink after the three days are over. Wait, I just got negative again, didn't I? Dang it...
Hitter to watch:
Hey, look at that! Another team that has eight cleanup hitters! By Giants standards, I mean. Clint Barmes would be a better option to hit cleanup for the Giants than Bengie Molina.
Clint Barmes would be a better option to hit cleanup for the Giants than Bengie Molina. Worth repeating.
But he isn't the hitter to watch. That would be Garrett Atkins, who is the only Rockies hitter having a disappointing season. I'll take "Oh, my! What a shot! This is a very good sign for the Rockies if Atkins can keep it going." in the soundbite pool.
Pitcher to watch:
In theory, I like Aaron Cook. I like that pitchers like him exist. He has a low strikeout rate, but his sinker and plus control have made him one of the more reliable pitchers in baseball. I like the theory of Aaron Cook because it gives me hope that one of the polished, non-fireballing pitchers in the Giants organization -- Kevin Pucetas, Joe Martinez, or Kyle Nicholson -- just might have a similar career path. Not likely at all, but the theory of Cook gives me hope.
The reality of Aaron Cook is a pitcher who regularly humiliates swing-first, think-second teams like the Giants. Like the theory, hate the reality. Plus, he's on the Rockies, and he probably has Neifi Perez on his speed dial. Evil.
Prediction:
The Rockies, who haven't lost since April 18th, win at least one game this series. Bold and shocking, I know.
After Zito won yesterday, I had to go back and take a lot of the pessimism out. You should have read the first draft.