Because the game balls from the past week were sent to Pooperstown, amirite?
Nate Schierholtz's at-bat in the 7th inning was a wretched, sordid affair that has to rank among the worst at-bats I've ever watched in my life, and I watched Wesley Snipes pretend to know how to swing a bat in two separate movies. I can picture Schierholtz sitting in the dugout, looking at the guy next to him and saying, "Did you know Miguel Batista's fastball had movement?."
I almost turned off the TV. I should have, really. The Giants squandered yet another bases loaded opportunity -- the 4,206th time the Giants have failed to score with the bases loaded and less than two outs, which is especially impressive for a team that only averages about two baserunners a game.
Then came Juan Uribe. Blessed is he who breaketh the slump with bases loaded aplomb. Woe be to he who ever doubted thy utility infielder.
/ lights candle in honor of Juan Uribe
Of course, other hitters did their part. Manny Burriss worked a great walk, Randy Winn had a solid single, and Fred Lewis added some insurance runs. Really, though, we just watched what it must be like to follow a normal team. Five runs is, uh, almost the very definition of average. Don't care right now. Maybe tomorrow the irony will hit me.
Matt Cain is the new lucky charm for the Giants' offense, which sounds great until you realize that we traded one guy getting consistently hosed for 80% of a rotation getting consistently hosed. Maybe having a sacrificial lamb wasn't a bad idea.
More importantly: Cain pitched ridiculously well. For once, Bruce Bochy was correct to leave a starting pitcher in when other managers might have gone to the bullpen. Sure, it's the Mariners -- it's not like Lookout Landing is going to pen flowery odes to Jason Vargas and Garrett Olson just because they dominated the Giants -- but a complete game, no walk victory is always fun to watch.
Also, Jason Vargas and Garrett Olson dominated the Giants. Good win, but nevar forget.