Hitters stepping to me; they want to get some
But I'm the Cain, so, yo, you know the outcome
Another should-be victory
They can't score runs for me
But pick a pre-Bonds date, 'cause you're history
I'm the pitcher with balls of fire, straight spherical
For you to beat me, it's gonna take a miracle
Or a series of unfortunate events
In fact, forget about that part, and let's pretend
The NL West I just devour
Like my catcher does with eggs, sugar, and flour
Cause when it comes to throwing smoke, hot damn
I lob it good, now let me tell you who I am
The B-I-G M-A-double-T-Y C-A-I-N
Dramatic, classic, warm up in the 'pen
I'm different, so don't compare me to another
Cause their breaking balls hang, word to the mother
And after 120 pitches, I still have energy
So when I roll on you hitters, you better be
Ready to strike out because your talent's on loan
You're just a wiffle bat, I'm a Tom Seaver clone
Who's on the Giants, so wait until you
Try to crowd the plate, so I can pitch into
Your helmet, you try to reach first base and
It's like Friday the 13th, and I'm a play Jason
No type of joke, gag, riddle, puzzle or game
The name is Matthew, yes, the real live Cain
So then
Here's your walking papers, sign them
'Cause I'll issue several ill-timed walks
But I'll work around them, and there ain't no balks, cause...
Ain't no half-pitchin'
PART 2 OF THE GAME DAY THREAD HERE
and the epic saga of feeble good vs overwhelming evil continues.... (part 3 of game day thread)