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This is not a story about the Barry Bonds trial

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A list of things I'll write about on this site before I ever write a story about Barry Bonds's perjury trial:

  • A 50,000-word biography of Bill Laskey. What does he do now? Which starlets did he bed? Did he give baseballs to every grubby kid that asked, or was I special? No stone will be left unturned.

  • Analysis of every pitch thrown by Bronswell Patrick in a Giants uniform. There were only 98, but each one had a story of its own. A purpose, an intent. A raison d’être. Think "Underworld," but not as concise.

  • A post using "Bible Code"-techniques to analyze Ken Rosenthal columns.

  • WebTV e-mail addresses in Usenet posts: What they mean, and how to prepare yourself when you see them

  • What happens when you enter the names of former Giants into the IMDB search engine?

  • A post asking for help with a text-based Rambo game that I used to play on the Apple II+. Okay, so you shove the parachute into the hollow log, but then what do you do?

  • Remember my post on why the Giants should trade for Richie Sexson? No? Well here it is, translated in Babelfish from English into French back into English and then into German. Oh, the hilarity!

  • MySpace layouts: How to cram more crap in them (A step-by-step guide)

  • Masculinity and the 19th-century North: How did industrialization shape gender roles? (100 pts)

  • Liveblogging the bureaucracy of getting a restraining order against howtheyscored.

  • Archetypes and leitmotifs found in the "Peanuts" story line in which Snoopy finds out the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm was torn down to make room for a six-story parking garage.

  • Trying to write a blog post while on the San Jose State campus, and what to do when the hamster dies on the treadmill that powers the wireless network.

  • My top ten albums that I made up, but claim to own on limited-edition vinyl. Topping the list: Throbbing Gristle's Estonia-only release, "Miles Standish Casserole."

  • Actual baseball. You know, games and stuff.

  • Baseball players and their involvement with the game of baseball.

This list is by no means all-inclusive. Feel free to give me other ideas. As you can see, that Bonds-on-trial post is kind of on hiatus right now. I just have too much to get to. I'm so, so, so sorry. Just all torn up. I mean, you'd really expect me to comment on the trial and stuff, but I'm just swamped