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The Giants have no alibi: He's Uggla

The worst thing about the offseason -- other than that minor detail about there not being baseball to watch -- is the amateur general managing. And, yeah, I'm as guilty as the next guy, but if I have to hear or read one more person say something like this...

Nick Johnson? Eight home runs and 62 RBI? Oh, yeah, another Ishikawa. Sabean is such an idiot! Get Jason Bay!!!

...a piston will snap inside my brain, and I'll shoot up a Kinko's or something. I welcome the Sabean-directed anger, but it's for all of the wrong reasons. It's like walking out of Red Planet or Mission to Mars and saying, "Man, that movie sucked! Why did it have to be set on Mars?" Yes, it did suck, but your reasoning is idiotic. And it makes me want to punch things. Excuse me while I punch things.

This isn't to suggest that I'm better than these fans. I'm only suggesting that I'm smarter. Also, better.

So when someone comes up that almost everyone can agree with in theory -- Dan Uggla, a guy who can hit in the middle of the order without the other team giggling -- that should be a good thing, right? If the difference were between a free Uggla and a free Nick Johnson, well, there might be some spirited debates, but everyone can agree that there's a wee difference between a free Uggla and starting Jose Castillo.

Ah, but this Uggla is not free. The Marlins will want some young players in return. So with Pablo Sandoval and Freddy Sanchez able to play a couple different positions, it would make more sense to concentrate on the players who can be obtained through free agency, right? It's the Lenox Financial of roster moves! Keep the minor leaguers, especially considering that either Uggla or Sanchez would have to play out of position.

Then why do I want Uggla?

Everyone has one. Some are better at suppressing it. I thought I was. But I see that Uggla is a perennial 30-homer player, and the gland starts a-pumpin'. Logic is taken over by chemistry. And I want Dan Uggla on the San Francisco Giants as long as it doesn't take a prospect who will eventually be a good, cheap player. I have a secret list of all of the prospects who will turn into good, cheap players, so I reserve the right to be outraged in five years.

There are very good reasons not to acquire Uggla. He's not a good defender at second, and he'd be an unknown at third or, gulp, in left field. He'll cost the Giants a prospect or two. His patience is improving, but his contact skills will keep his production down.

It'd sure be nice, though, if the Giants backed into a lineup with Posey improving on Molina, Uggla improving on Ishikawa, and Sanchez improving on Burriss from last opening day. There's still a chance that the Giants do something stupid even after acquiring Uggla -- "Hey, this team doesn't have a true leadoff hitter with speed! They'll revoke our membership at the Ol' Timey Roster Construction Club! Quick, to the Crappy Transaction Cave!" -- but I'd like a real middle of the order, please. Uggla would be a start.