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Star Pitcher Pinched

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174246766_ea2fd78204_tiny by Grant on

Star Pitcher Sullies Team, Caught With Hooch

Teammates View Art Nehf Askance, Mindful of Series Loss

With the hopes and year-long dreams of post-championship attaboys dashed by the cross-town behemoth Yankees, whose steadfastness in the face of worthy competition proved too daunting for even our nifty boys, star pitcher Art Nehf was caught with a hip flask full of hooch, besmirching his name and reputation as well as that of his fair team.

Though Nehf's doggy, Joe Brooks appearance has always led this observer to believe that he partook of a belt of giggle water whenever convenient, the official pinch only confirms our suspicions. Nehf proved to be quite the sap by carrying the skee on the hip; though he was not zozzled at the time of his arrest, there is every indication that he was planning on going hoary-eyed through the streets of New York, stumbling from speakeasy to speakeasy.

Far be it from this observer to be the town killjoy, but Nehf's predilection for getting owled or fried to the hat whenever the opportunity arose quite possibly could be the reason for the Giants' crushing defeat in the Contest of Contests this solemn autumn. For no Yankees player has yet to be popped for panther sweat in the past year, which just might account for their uncanny ability to hit on all sixes when their backs were against the Polo Grounds center field wall. No impartial party has yet reported that fellas like Wally Pipp, Whitey Witt, or "Babe" Ruth have besotted themselves in a quest to get canned from whatever bathtub skee dribbled into their cup, so we can only assume that their gumption, discipline, and fortitude served them well.

The youth of today deserve more from Art Nehf, whose swanky glad rags prove a tell-tale sign of the gin-mill gadfly who lost the final game of a grueling Fall contest, possibly while splifficated. For shame, Mr. Nehf. For shame.