Matt Cain is a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, but he also has a (adjective) past. When he was a young boy, he often (verb, past tense) the hell out of (noun). In addition, Cain also (verb, past tense) often, which made (noun) sad.
This is why God hates Matt Cain, and why he continues to lose games in a (adjective) fashion. Because if this story isn't true, then there truly is no justice in this universe. I do not want to live in a world that treats Matt Cain this poorly, so I might as well go (leisure activity) for the rest of my life if I don't have this story to believe in.