The Prestige

A progression of offseason hopes:

• October 30 - Trade Noah Lowry for a 23-year-old future All Star first baseman and two starting shortstops. Then let the shortstops battle it out in the spring.
• November 17 - Trade Jonathan Sanchez for a young corner infielder, but only if it's a sensible trade.
• November 20 - Put the Lincecum down, and step away from the phone. Hands where I can see them.
• December 13 - Do something. Anything. Freakin' dying of boredom here.
• December 18 - Wait, I take that back. Don't sign anymore center fielders. Please.
• January 15 - Make Dave Roberts disappear.

To be fair, the Roberts-be-gone sentiment isn't really new, but it wasn't the focus at any point during the winter months. Now we know this offense is going to be awful. Giants fans didn't hope for a Moneyball offense, but we maybe had our eye on a Powerball offense. Odds of winning: 1 in 146,107,962, but danged if that "1" didn't seem like a sweet dream. That's where we were right after the World Series. Now we're holding the Powerball ticket in our hands, feeling stupid for even hoping for that 1 in 146,107,962 miracle. If Sabes just traded this guy for Ben Zobrist, and that guy for Steven Pearce, and the other fella for Edwin Encarncion, and maybe Nate Schierholtz busts out, and.... Nope. Forget it. It didn't happen. It was unrealistic on several levels, and, heck, it isn't like those players would have comprised a juggernaut.

So now we're left with this last hope: Trade Dave Roberts, eat $10M of the remaining $13M of his contract, and start either Nate Schierholtz or a Rajai Davis/Fred Lewis tandem in left. Please. It'd be a $10M payment towards an installment plan of interesting. The Giants aren't going to contend. So, please, just let us watch young players who might contribute to a contending team of the future. Let us form opinions on these young players. Let us have hopes for them. If they flop, let us realize that we need different young players. Please. Throw a bone to the nerds who are on a baseball site in January, and to Giants fans everywhere.

Roberts's second half (.291/.362/.388) might tempt an outfielder-starved team. I received an e-mail with a fourth-hand rumor that the Padres might be interested. At this point, I'll take any rumor like that I can get. The Red Sox have an opening for their fifth outfielder's slot, and Roberts could rent a little condo on Dave Roberts Way in Boston. If not the Red Sox, then someone will want a free Dave Roberts. Well, Dave Roberts would be free. Then the other team will receive a new veteran every month for just $3M plus shipping. They can cancel at any time, but maybe they'll forget and wake up in July to a team with Roberts, Rich Aurilia, and Ray Durham. We can only hope.

I'm resigned to watching either Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum in a total of 40% of the games this year, and, really, that's a hell of a consolation prize. Most really awful teams don't have anyone worth watching, so the Giants are ahead of the curve. By donating Dave Roberts to the Salvation Army of MLB, the Giants could give us another player or two or three worth watching. Having one of the team's under-30 outfielders in the starting lineup would be the most satisfying part of the offseason.

Please?