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Neener neener neener

Last night was to be reserved for preparation for my last final. It's been a rough few months -- heck, a rough year -- with regards to my overall workload. Between my full-time studies, my full-time job, and the 10 minutes a day I spend slapping together warmed-over crap for this site, I've been stretched pretty thin. This final was the culmination of my hard work, and there was no sense blowing it off when I had already come so far. If I aced the final, it would be validation for everything I'd accomplished over the past year.

Then a friend invited me to a luxury box for the Lincecum/Oswalt game. I took the time to pull each book out of my backpack and flip off every single one.

The last time I was in a luxury box, it was the Giants first home victory at the new park. I remember the date well -- April 27, 2000 -- because that was also the day I became romantically involved with the woman who is now my wife. So let's break down what happens when I'm invited to sit in a luxury box:

  1. The Giants get their first victory in a new ballpark after a brutal start; the team goes on to post the best record in baseball.
  2. Tim Lincecum gets the first home victory of his Hall-of-Fame career.
  3. Soulmates are joined, each a part of the same whole; their life's journey not complete, but the path made clear, as they walk toward a light of pure fulfillment.
  4. I get free sodas.
I believe I've made a stunning case. Every day that I am not in a luxury box, the franchise suffers. Every day that I am not in a luxury box, it's a crime against romance. Every day that I am not in a luxury box, the odds of my receiving a free soda go way, way down.

Please forward this to every person working in the Giants front office. I'm pretty sure they won't have a choice but to give me a complimentary luxury box for the entire season. What can Oracle offer the Giants that I can't, other than millions of dollars?

Also, Tim Lincecum is the light and truth, and I will enjoy becoming pure energy when he determines it is time to ascend.