...with three of my own pulled from the nether regions:
- Lance Niekro to Milwaukee for Greg Aquino
Milwaukee has Prince Fielder starting, but Tony Graffinino listed on the depth chart behind him at first. Graffinino would make more sense filling in around the infield. Craig Counsell is also on the team, which might seem redundant, but he'll start the season at third base with Corey Koskie recovering from a concussion. Niekro isn't a perfect fit, but he brings a decent platoon advantage and good glove. Aquino is a Chulk-caliber arm with decent strikeout numbers. Quality out of quantity: Your 2007 Giants bullpen. Hopefully. If Niekro were to clear waivers, he'd be more than welcome as insurance. I'm just not sure if he would clear, though.
- Armando Benitez and Jason Ellison to Seattle for Jeremy Reed
Yeah, that's a pretty ridiculous trade with zero chance of happening. But that's about what it should take at this point to get Benitez. The Giants' bullpen is a mess of messes, and it really doesn't take too much wacky optimism to see Benitez as a mediocre pitcher. Mediocre isn't looking too bad right now. Ask Seattle for the moon and don't back down. Keep Benitez if Seattle doesn't panic. They won't, but crazier things have happened.
- Mark Sweeney to Minnesota for Joe Nathan
Dammit. Just take the deal so you can sleep better, Terry. The best lefty bat on the Minnesota bench, at least that I'm aware of, is Jason Tyner. I have more pop than Tyner. Really. No hyperbole. I'll take him out in a home run derby whenever he wants. I call you out, Tyner.
If the Twins balk at giving up Nathan, just accept any minor leaguer who throws above 90 MPH, regardless of past results. The Ellison golf cart is rolling, and the batteries are fully charged.
Here's how this works: You think of a mock trade, and post it. Then everyone calls you an idiot, and points out the seventeen different reasons why the trade will fail. Then you'll forget about your original post for a week. Make sure to check back in after a week to leave a rebuttal to the rebuttal that no one will read. That's where the real satisfaction comes in internet discourse. Your mock trades, if you would.