Find a worse Bonds-related article than this one.
- Each entrant in the Worst Bonds-related Article in History Contest should mention something about a recliner, though a blatant reference to his salary would also be accepted. This is a request, but not a requirement.
- By "worse", I don't mean "substantially less funny than the author intended." That prize has already been awarded. I counted 17 attempted jokes in that first linked article, none worse than the Condoleeza Rice joke.
- Bonus points will be awarded for articles that cast the whole of Giants fandom as a mindless group of lemmings, or articles that make generalizations about the San Francisco area. Also, bonus points will be awarded for writers who use my favorite technique.
That technique of starting a new paragraph out of the blue.
You know. For emphasis.
Kleos. Oodles and oodles of kleos. As much kleos as you can stuff in your pockets.
I was thinking about scouring the internet for the worst articles I could remember -- a lot of the ones I could remember were already gathered by Gregg Pearlman in the early days of Baseball Prospectus -- but here's where the collective memory of the community is going to be much, much more effective than that community's attractive and brilliant master. Each one of you probably has one or two hit pieces lodged in your brain, and you can't shake them. Allow this to be your therapy. While I'm sick of the Bonds news, I'll always have a morbid attraction to awful opinion pieces. Have at it.