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The Shire Under Attack

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It's definitely a stage of baseball devolution to be reduced to rooting for the failure of another team. When the soccer team in Alive starts munching on the flesh of their companions, you know they really don't have a choice, but you can't help but squirm. This series is kind of like that, as the Dodgers and their fans also like to sup on human flesh. Or something. I can't really remember where I was going with that analogy, but, brothers and sisters, am I fired up for this half-meaningless series.

The Dodgers are two games ahead of the Phillies in the Wild Card race, and one game back of the Padres in the division. The Giants can ruin the season for the Dodgers. Ruin it. A 162-game season...ruined. And we could sit back and laugh, enjoying the lush pastures of the moral low ground.

Tips for a successful series:

The Giants have to try really hard to not allow four or five first-inning runs in each game.

Noah Lowry has to lower his September ERA of 14.36. A gritty 8 ip, 10 er performance should do just fine.

Steve Finley needs to sit. This series is like a full moon to Finley's Giant-screwing werewolf. He just can't help himself. Also, if you find a YouTube search result for "giant screwing werewolf", please keep it to yourself.

Bill Mueller needs to limp up to the plate, Kirk Gibson-style, only to throw his bat in the Dodger dugout after swinging wildly at the first pitch. He wouldn't need to hurt anyone, but maybe he could put some fear into a player or two. Okay, he could maybe nick Tomko and it'd still be funny.

The lineup should only be populated with players who still have a competitive fire burning, and who aren't mentally on a golf course in Kapalua. Rookies, veterans...it doesn't matter who. But hopefully Felipe Alou can distinguish who has given up and who hasn't. It would be a looooooooooooong winter if the Giants were swept. Losing two out of three would only get four of those "o"s back. Knocking the Dodgers out leaves only the typical long winter.

Comment starter: Your tips for a successful series, silly or otherwise.