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When the Levity Breaks....

It could be worse. One of Omar Vizquel's kangaroos could injure Matt Cain in a drunken boxing match/pouch-stuffing incident. You could be forced to read Vizquel's book. His autobiography, that is. Not the book he'll write about the drunken boxing match between Cain and a kangaroo. Because that one should be quite the yarn. I'll be first in line for that one.

This team.... grruuhhh. Wherever you looked during last night's loss, there was some sort of belabored metaphor. Barry Bonds getting a chance to tie the game, and flashing his neo-Snow warning track power. Moises Alou frustrated with the nasty slump he's in, slinging his bat away at warp speed to protest one of the few reasonable called third strikes of the night. The Giants pitching staff again refusing to reevaluate their "walk 'em full, get behind the count, and throw right over the plate"-philosophy.

Levity break:

Eight straight. After daring to sniff first place, the Giants have lost eight straight. It's like the myth of Icarus. Except, wait, that would need to be altered just a bit to comfortably fit. In the original myth Icarus builds wings out of wax, flies too close to the sun, and meets his end when the wings melt. The Giants would be more analogous if Icarus built a backyard deck out of old, rotten boards, and then drowned in a pool trying to swim after fifteen beers. Also, the deck collapsed. On top of five children and two puppies. None survived. Well, one puppy did, but isn't right to describe what it has to go through as "living". The blood was everywhere. The beers may or may not represent Shea Hillenbrand; you'll have to wait for the annotated version to find that out.

Levity break:

I'm glad Sabean didn't make a trade like the Dodgers did for Julio Lugo, giving up a top prospect for a player that wasn't a glaring need. According to the Chronicle, Lastings Milledge was never on the table for Jason Schmidt, so I'm glad Sabean didn't trade Schmidt for the random A-ball flotsam that was floating around. I'm glad Dave Littlefield is taking some of the spotlight off the bad decision making of other teams, and putting it on the Pirates. The Pirates team that just swept us.

Levity break:

It was a distinct hope of mine that the Giants would come out of the trade deadline, and be so relieved that the team was intact they'd rip off ten straight wins. They still can. Seriously. The team isn't this bad. They're not very good, but they aren't bad enough to lose seven straight to a combination of the Nationals and Pirates. After Washington leaves town with their juggernaut, the Giants will play 19 straight within their division. So it isn't time to shovel dirt on the team yet. It is time to beat the team with a shovel -- at least in the metaphorical shovel-beating form of witty rejoinders and barbed quips -- but not time to bury them.

C'mon! Is the glass 3/4 empty, or 1/4 filled with weird, brown water? Who's with me? The winning streak