Given the choice of hearing...
Jessica Alba: Grant? Grant? Wake up, Grant. I think the lottery ticket stuck to my French maid's outfit has the winning number on it. Grant?
...or...
Jon Miller: Josh Millford is now out in center, wearing #98. A 48th-rounder out of DeVry University, where he majored in appliance repair, Millford is a non-roster invitee....
...I choose the latter. I'm a sick monkey, I know, but there is baseball on the radio right now. Baseball on the radio. Baseball is on the radio, the days are getting longer, and if I had a rash, it'd be going away. Baseball baseball baseball.
So it makes sense that the next player up on the projection list is Jose Vizcaino. Nothing against the guy, but he might be the most boring player in the history of the game. Here goes nothing. Literally:
Jose Vizcaino
AB: 180
HR: 0
AVG: .255
OBP: .280
SLG: .350
Bleah. No pickup basketball games, Omar. Use the appropriate headgear when welding, Ray. It's hard to get worked up over Vizcaino, assuming he's used sparingly. I have a nasty feeling, though, that Felipe Alou sees Vizcaino as a coup of an acquisition; a veteran, switch-hitting utility player he plans to use against Billy Wagner-types in crucial situations. I hope I'm wrong, but I can't shake the feeling.