Next on the projection list is Mike Matheny, which just might be the most boring projection of them all. If you liked watching The English Patient with an economist and a bowl of plain tomato soup, you'll love trying to forecast how Mike Matheny will hit this season.
Matheny will graciously return the power he found last year to its rightful owner. He's a class act that way.
Now that we have that unpleasantness out of the way, we can concentrate on what little Giants news is out there. The obligatory "Bonds Says or Does Something Stupid to Kick Off the Season" news pieces started showing up yesterday, and have continued through the day. This type of spring reporting is an art form that reached a creative peak in the '80s with Rickey Henderson's annual contract holdout. From about 1984 to 1998, reporters would wait for Rickey to not show for voluntary reporting dates, and then wait for him to not show for mandatory reporting dates. If they saw Rickey's shadow, they would know to expect six extra weeks of talking in the third person. Eventually, he'd show up, give a State of the Rickey address, and complain about his salary. It was a beautiful dance they all did.
Bonds didn't show up for the voluntary date which, to nick a gag from The Onion, warrants a headline of:
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY ASKS DICK BUTKUS TO CHANGE NAME, PROTECT YOUNG FOOTBALL FANS FROM DAMNATION
- Bonds doesn't think about what he says before he says it.
- Bonds may love his kids, and he isn't some coked-up misfit, but he is almost certainly a big ol' jerk to the rest of the world.
- Bonds often says stupid things.
- Bonds is not my roommate. So I couldn't care less about what he does or says.
- Bonds can hit a baseball.