Jeff Borris: Bri. It's Jeff. Listen, I'm going to have to call you back. I have another call from a different team.
Borris hangs up
Brian Sabean: But you called me. Hello? Hello?
Sabean resumes not thinking about how to build a baseball team in a different way.
The phone rings
Borris: Bri. It's Jeff. Listen, things are getting hot and heavy. Seriously hot. Seriously heavy. I'm surprised I can even get cell reception in this pit of burning heat-fire. I'm playing two teams off each other, three teams on each other, and two teams left messages for me with three anonymous offers. But I found out who they were 'cause I star-69ed them.
Sabean: Hey, we're interested, but we can't budge from that initial offer. The incentives make sense, and th....
Borris: Whoops. Gotta go. The Angels are on the land line.
Sabean: Wait, this is getting.... Hello? Hello?
Borris: Yeah...right...hold on...a fifth year? Really.... Brian, I'm going to have to call you back. Check your e-mail.
Sabean: Hello? Hello? E-mail?
Sabean closes his phone
The phone rings five seconds later
Borris: Bri. Did you get my e-mail?
Borris: Forget it. I'm here with a guy you might know: Ned Colletti. I think he's got the scratch, and I think Bonds has the itch. And by scratch, I mean money. A whole bunch of it. I'm thinking you have one last chance to top him. I can't say much, but Colletti's offer involves a six-year deal and a golf course in Dubai.
Sabean: Wait, but Ned's here with me. I'm having lunch with him right now.
Ned Colletti: Who's that?
Sabean: Barry's agent.
Borris: Oh, man! I thought you sounded close. That is too funny. I'm right in front of you, talking to Ned.
Sabean looks around
Sabean: Wait, what?
Borris: Man, too funny. Check it out, Ned. This whole time, we were all having lunch together!
Sabean looks around again. Colletti is staring blankly at a bowl of sugar cubes.
Borris: Good talking with you, the food was great, but I have to run. I just saw another GM come in the door of whatever restaurant we're eating at. Call me when you get serious, Bri.
Sabean looks around some more. Colletti does that thing where there's food stuck in his teeth, and he tries to get it out with his tongue, but he keeps his mouth closed, so it looks all funny and stuff....
Sabean closes his phone
The phone rings again
Darren Oliver's Agent: Hey, Brian, it's Jeff. I hate to say this, but I think we're going to have to turn down the offer. It's generous, but we're going to need a second year from someone.
Sabean: Well, you called my bluff, dang it. Alright, I'll give you the third year. But the option is going to be a team option.
Darren Oliver's Agent: But I only said we needed two y...
Sabean: Alright! A player option, you jackal. Fax everything over when you get a chance.
Sabean closes his phone.
Colletti points to Sabean's leftovers
Colletti: You going to eat that?