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Title vs. Mechatitle

  • Contender - Greatest Hyperbole of Offseason, Agent Division: "Whatever club gets Russ (Ortiz) is getting the greatest bargain known to man."

    Here's how I hope the negotiations go:

    Ortiz's agent: You've probably heard me talk up Russ Ortiz's abilities before, and you're probably sick of it. But I have to come back because I truly believe this is the biggest no-brainer in the history of mankind. We're not going to stick it to you for closing costs. We're getting plenty of money from the Diamondbacks, believe me. If you have great flexibility with your payroll, average flexibility, or you've just been a human being, Ortiz can help. This is, and I'll say it again, the biggest no-brainer in the history of mankind.

    Sabean: No. No thanks.

    A minor league deal wouldn't kill me, just as long as he's banished to the same purgatory that Matt Kinney resides. If Kinney pitches well, that's awesome, but the Giants will never consider bringing him up until he pitches well for an extended period of time. That should be the case with Ortiz, but you just know there would be the temptation to plug him into the rotation.
  • The Padres are really starting to tick me off with the personnel moves that fall into their laps. Last year, they were bequeathed Cla Merideth, Josh Bard, Chris Young, and Adrian Gonzalez -- the only player of any value that went the other way was Akinora Otsuka -- and this year they get quality free agents without having to dole out long-term commitments. Greg Maddux signs a one-year deal, maybe the starting pitching bargain of the offseason, and now the Padres benefit from Marcus Giles being cut loose by the Braves. They essentially traded Josh Barfield for Kevin Kouzmanoff and Marcus Giles, and upgraded from the Vinnie Castilla and Barfield arrangement with which they started 2006.

    Meanwhile, the Giants are still in the market to overpay someone -- anyone -- to excrete some mediocre from his mediocre glands and drip mediocre discharge all over the clubhouse and field. Jeff Suppan in 2010? How is that not a great idea? It'd be like making up for underpaying Mark Gardner all that time!

    Stupid Padres.