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I suppose I asked for it. For the past two hours, I've been wrapping my brain around the idea that J.T. Snow and Edgardo Alfonzo have combined for a total of four homeruns. The one-and-a-half tool mastery of Lance Niekro and assorted contributions by Pedro Feliz skew the statistics, but the ostensible starters at third and first for your 2005 have as much power as an Amish Christmas tree. As much pop as a Slayer concert. As many round-trippers as a, uh, plane full of guys relocating from the area they previously lived without definitive plans to return. Should have stopped at the first one.

If someone wants to crunch the historical numbers, it would be appreciated, but with a limited amount of time I'll just guess this is the weakest starting first base/third base combo fielded by any team since the advent of commercial airlines. It's rare enough that your first baseman hits like F.P. Santangelo without the pop, and it's hard to imagine many teams in history able to find an almost identical counterpart across the diamond.

Perhaps the severity of the suckage escapes our attention because neither are incredibly offensive players. Alfonzo will hit an empty .290, and get on base at a decent clip. Snow will take his walks, and rap out enough singles to escape the full force of our wrath. Put them together, add Omar Vizquel's wee slappery into the mix, and the next thing you know is Ray Durham is hitting fifth. Michael Tucker is hitting third. Cats and dogs, living together....

The power gap is a serious problem going into next season. ESPN says there might be a team willing to claim Alfonzo on waivers? Done. No backsies. As far as answers go, the only question Pedro Feliz qualifies for is, "Who is someone that has never been in my kitchen?" Still, he's preferable to Alfonzo at this point. I think I've decided that in the last three minutes, with little supporting evidence, and I'm going to stick with it.

If the Giants could somehow get rid of Alfonzo, and Snow, at the very least, will be relegated to deep bench status for next year, the Giants would have Niekro starting at first, and Feliz starting at third. And in exactly 365 days, you'll get the exact same post with different introductory jokes. The starters at third and first have as good a batting eye as Sandy Duncan with blepharitis. As much patience as a list of Vince Neil's favorite acoustic tracks. Don't worry, though. I'll have a year to think of better gags, unless the Giants can't dump Alfonzo. Which would suck in a whole different way.