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Ugh (part MCMXV)

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Listening to the game yesterday, I was forced to turn it off when the first three Giants to bat reached base and didn't score in the inning. I turned it back on at the start of my lunch hour, and Krukow was talking about the game as if a young fan was hit in the face with a line drive foul in each inning. "When Omar makes an error that costs you a game, well, that's when you stay up all night vomiting out one side of your mouth, and resting a bottle of bourbon with a baby bottle nipple in the other," was what Krukow would have said if he could.

Every other game, there's going to be a brutal loss. We'll just have to accept it. Not just loss after loss, of course. Brutal, boy-you'd-think-a 15-run lead-would-hold-up-but-that's-what 72-straight-pitches-out-of-the-strike-zone-will-do kind of losses.

If he had to do it over again, I'm sure Michael Tucker would have just played with bad breath, because the alternative he chose -- using Alex Sanchez's toothbrush before the game -- just didn't work out. And while the Keystone Defense was out there running into walls and slipping on banana peels, the offense was busy not driving runners in. It was the perfect example of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, and it's been amazing to watch. Amazing to watch in an antelope taking a cool creekside drink in a National Geographic special about alligators kind of way.

I haven't checked, but the lost probably left the Giants two-and-a-half games back from first in the Awful, Awful West. Still, even though the Giants are ostensibly in contention, there have been some recent Sabean interviews where his excitement is hardly frothing over. He knows this isn't a team worth gutting the farm system for. If the Giants win eight in a row while the Padres lose eight in a row, well, then, yippee. Other than that, this season is what it is.

Ooh! Ooh! One more forced analogy. Imagine the worst movie you've ever seen. Jury Duty. Sphere. The Steven Seagal Movie Where He Kicks People In the Face In Alaska. Awful, no? Now, imagine that movie being made into a musical. And then a mini-series. Then a sitcom. Then a Saturday morning cartoon. Then a video game, with G4 shows dedicated to reviewing the video game. Then a high school play you're forced to attend. In fact, you have to watch them all for one reason or another. Every minute of every spinoff, you're there to cringe in horror. The sitcom is syndicated, and plays every day. You're there, in front of the tube because you have no choice.

Comment starter: Hey, is that forced analogy referring to the Giants? What gives?